Confessions of an NRI's dreary mind

When an NRI talks about bacteria free life, it's actually the unhygienic jalebis he's craving for, writes Sunil Lala.

A hello from Boston to all my Indian readers! The New England winter is now over, and the snow has melted off our driveways.

Those romantic nights spent sitting in front of the crackling fireplace, sipping Courvoisier, while listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, are behind us. The skis and ice skates are back in the basement.

Those ever stubborn thin green blades of grass are beginning to grow again. The perennials planted in the yard last year are blooming once more. Warm and sunny days are here, and so are a thousand fun-filled activities.

Baseball on weekends, roller-blading on the BU campus, leisurely walks on Newbury Street, moonlit cruises on the Charles, dinners at the Top of the Hub, maybe a trip to Paris.

Ah! The life of a Non Resident Indian! Always new things to do, exotic places to visit, exciting parties to attend. Always fascinating, always adventurous, always glamorous. Right?

Wrong!

It's time for a confession, dear readers. But please - this is strictly between you and me. Don't let those other NRIs get a whiff of this. They might feel hurt, even betrayed. Brace yourself for the truth.

Truth that no other bottled water sipping, Ralph Lauren wearing, "oh I can never drive in India" NRI has ever dared to divulge. Come closer now, I must whisper this in your ear - it is a closely guarded secret after all.

Our life is actually - yes, you heard it right - pretty boring, monotonous and uneventful! Shocking, eh?

Here's an insider glimpse into what we NRIs do in our spare time. Our weekends are largely spent on one of the following activities:

1.The NRI weekend get-together - This is our default weekend activity. Various NRIs, mostly IT professionals with a smattering of doctors and MBAs, gather at a restaurant, or at someone's house.

These events typically begin about ninety minutes later than their scheduled time. As people arrive, jokes are cracked about their sense of schedule, or the lack thereof. These are the exact same jokes that were cracked the previous weekend and the weekend before that.

Everyone laughs. Men and women split into separate groups. Bottles of wine are popped open - red for the men and mostly white for the women. Discussions are usually centered on a few major issues - how India has completely changed in the past ten years, how Bollywood movies are so different, how cheap it is to call India now, and why we all should move back to our homeland soon.