E-Paper
Joy of marrying into the services
A touch of class. A life that roller coasters through a pathway of elegance and ease. A life that is shaped by the service just as they shape the service. These and more are some of the many cliches that feature in countless conversations countrywide,about the wives of service officers, in the Army, the Navy and the Air Force. Opinion polls also swing from this high culture podium to that of her being dubbed as a fake imposter, pretending to live in a closed circuit existence of pomp and privacy, where as she is actually the lonely wife, left to her own devices, while her husband serves countless tenures on the battle fronts that dot the east, west and northern borders of the country.
Army wives have an exalted status. Their life is all about effort, grace and grind... a unique combination.
A touch of class. A life that roller coasters through a pathway of elegance and ease. A life that is shaped by the service just as they shape the service. These and more are some of the many clichés that feature in countless conversations countrywide,about the wives of service officers, in the Army, the Navy and the Air Force.
Opinion polls also swing from this high culture podium to that of her being dubbed as a fake imposter, pretending to live in a closed circuit existence of pomp and privacy, where as she is actually the lonely wife, left to her own devices, while her husband serves countless tenures on the battle fronts that dot the east, west and northern borders of the country. In truth, both these sides of the Services coin declare half-truths and neither the manicured nor the bored looked are all comprehensive. One has to go behind the façade to link these divergent ideas and notions.
While this ambit of juxtapositions cannot be wished away, one must acknowledge that the Service wife does not exist in a vacuum. The long and close association with the life led in the Services has rubbed off on them, wily nilly. These accents have become a subtle veneer in their personalities, as subconsciously, the tradition of rank and file and discipline and decorum, have become a part of their oeuvre as it has, in the lives of their other halves. Even when the mingling of the sexes and the diffused under current of the senior officer and the junior subordinate is never a larger issue, the tones have become indigenised and acceptable thanks to the adaptation of these norms by the wives of the Services. The seniors in the crowd are not crassly kowtowed to, but the habit of giving respect to an elder in the Indian social situation has permeated into the Services, where the senior wife is meted out that extra edge of courtesy and formality as is wont, in the traditions of our heritage.
Having entered into the Service fold, one of the first sounds that a Service bride awakes to, is the early morning thud thud sound of marching boots, bugler calls as the last post and the morning reveille are daily features in military stations.
These vicarious wake up calls make the indulgent late riser into a sporting crack of- the dawn identity. With husbands having to attend to parade and PT, the sounds of running tap water and the slosh of the shaving brush turn the most hardened somnambulist into cooperative life partner, who joins him for a hurried cup and accepts thereby the disciplined lifestyle from the time one climbs out of bed.
This early start to the day makes wives pack in so much extra into their working day. The pre-luncheon coffee session becomes a way of social interaction for what is the use of sipping one's tea in silence and alone? The spirit of bonhomie has its seeds sown around the morning get-together and the customary rounds of mahjong or a racy round of rummy for a couple of hours adds chic and relaxation to an otherwise mundane routine of housekeeping and attending to the children.
For the coy newcomer, these mornings are finely tuned occasions for getting acquainted with the ways of the Service and for the older lot, they become a tantalizing combination of recreation and interaction, where gossip can be savoured, plans for social dos can be finalized and friendship can be cemented.
If the Officers mess is the second home for an officer in the services, his spouse cannot be a stranger to this environ. Even though she does not have free access to it beyond the confines of the ladies room, most of the official entertaining in the station is mess centric.
Social gatherings, commemorative celebrations, and parties become occasions when spouses are the invited guests at the officer's mess, and take an active participatory role in the gracious ways of mess dining and entertaining. At times, they are touched upon for a few aesthetic inputs, like suggestions on the planting pattern of the Mess garden or the colour of the cushions in the ladies room, or the flower arrangement in the entrance hall, but the core task of maintenance and accounting or taking stock of the silver and the trophies, that these places proudly sport, are kept strictly out of her purview.
In this sort of neo regimented set up of ease and effort, grace and grind, the service wife acquires a personality that is highly visible and generally admired for its image creating conformity. Unlike the traditional picture of a partner who is left confined to her boudoir, or the ultra modern socialite of the urban kind who must carve out her dreams for herself, the Service wife's life is culled from a constant state of shaping and imbibing. By the time a decade or two is behind her, she is distinctive and yet not without a support cast of characteristics, that contribute for enjoyment and fullness.
A general aphorism that marks this tribe is their love of new places. Instead of turning yhem into inveterate, rootless bohemians, the end result is surprising."
We see so many places," exclaims Neera Chhibbar, the wife of Colonel AC Chibbar, as she recalls her recent trip to Ladakh. “The two-year stay,” she continues, “gives you a way to see a place by seeing it very culture. Just take my trip to Leh. How else would I have seen such wonders as a pashmmina shawl being woven on the loom, were it not for this stay? For most Indian wives, such sights are available on TV but for the Army wife, it is for real.”
An off shoot of this experience, these wives have learnt to love the idea of moving home and making a place a home, in the twinkling of an eye. “It broadens one’s outlook,” complies Shikha Saikia, the wife of Wing Commander DK Saikia, when asked about this ability. Having accepted this contention with alacrity and positivism, Shikha points out that service wives are able to create beauty in a ‘Bashah’ or mud plaster and thatch accommodation as well as a colonial heritage. The accommodation that is given over to these wives is no more than a bare shell, “But that goes into making a beautiful home, specially in the smaller stations,” admits Jyotsna Arora, the wife of commander KK Arora.
Recalling her years spent at the naval base at Lonavala, she recounts, “It used to rain for all the year and everything caught fungus. Our electrical gadgets were in cold storage and clothes had to be dried around a coal fire but then, it was lovely.” Continuing her nostalgic overlay, she reminisced, “Even in Mumbai,home was a wonderful thing altogether. The flats were by the sea in Colaba, a fabulous location,away from the madding crowd and yet, within the heart of the city. Domestic staff were easy to come by and the inter-mingling with the navals of the world made home and stay a cosmopolitan air of goings and comings.”
Even when immediate allotment of accommodation is not forthcoming, these wives have learnt to make a son and dance out of their predicament.
“It was a two months at a time camping style of existence. Any officer proceeding on leave gave you the keys of his home and you moved in, with your immediate necessities and lived a life off suitcases, virtually. In this way one might have had five changes of homes before one had a home of one's own, but the camaraderie and adventure, instead of feeling homeless and adrift. Thus turning people away or turning away from people is non-existent in the life of this wife.”
“It is the surroundings we live in,” comments Poonam Chand, the wife of a senior officer, stationed at Gopalpur-on-sea. “In this pollution free surrounding, as one finds in any cantonment I am not isolated. The services include people from all parts of the country and I have learnt to speak in Bengali, Tamil, Marathi, not as a hobby but because of our mingling and living amongst people.
Even speaking to the household help or going shopping has contributed to it.”
Yet this sartorial, secure looking ambience is not without problems. Every time these empty crates and boxes are pulled out of the store room and the wives begin the customary packing ritual with transfer orders being given to their spouses, the nagging fear of finding a proper school for their children looms large on their minds. With more and more of these wives joining the work force, the problem is compounded further. " Each postings had meant a loss of seniority and even return to basic salary," laments Jyotsna. The discontinuity in studies and these change of educational standards they state, leaves them with a choice of either staying back for the sake of the children's education or else choosing the option of losing out on mainstream competitive entry. “But that is a temporary feature,” reasons Veena Sharma, the wife of Group Captain ON Sharma, whose children have found this ‘discontinuity’ a temporary setback that they soon overcame.
“As duty is very important to them,” adds Neera Chhibbar, “We wives shoulder all these responsibilities from the beginning and children's exams and studies are taken care of by us everywhere posting or no posting.” Even Shikha Saikia’s summation, “Ny and large, most service children are doing well and feel no disadvantage due to these frequent changes of schooling. These children, like their mothers, have learnt to adjust fast to a change of situation.” Having learnt to make things work in their favour,this class of wives has learnt to stretch family finances to the fullest.
“The meagre pay packet is true but then, we wives are qualified people and pick up suitable jobs to supplement it. Instead of assembling homes with expensive bric-a-brac, making it into a picture gallery, the display shelves are lined with mementos and collections that have been pieced together with sentiment. Wwe do not go into all that arty stuff,” is an oft heard remark as she guides a guest to examine a selection of trophies, bamboo root figurines or driftwood artifacts that dot the corners of her home.
The dexterous turn that she has given to used artillery shells, or hand grenades, or house plants around her home, make her the envy of any designer. Her home reflects her family motto, where the man of the house is a no-nonsense, honest-to-goodness breadwinner and his partner is a pretty belle whom he had entrusted with the pleasure of turning empty shell into a home that he longs to return to, and turned every adverse situation into a matter of easy success and cheer.
