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Knotty Ideas
Come winter and it?s Big M time?the marriage season. But what IS marriage? What?s a guy gotta do with a ?wife? at home with so many goddesses lose around or, what shall a cinderella moon about when there?s no deadline of the Bewitching Hour? Marriage?s a whole new ball game. Compatibility is at premium and no being bound for life just because you?ve got to tow the cart, says the Lakhnawi youth.
Marriage is not a prison cell, so it better not be a life sentence. Lucknowites are charting their own course somewhere between the oh-so-soppy arranged marriages and ta ta-by-tomorrow love alliances.
Come winter and it’s Big M time—the marriage season. But what IS marriage? What’s a guy gotta do with a ‘wife’ at home with so many goddesses lose around or, what shall a cinderella moon about when there’s no deadline of the Bewitching Hour? Marriage’s a whole new ball game. Compatibility is at premium and no being bound for life just because you’ve got to tow the cart, says the Lakhnawi youth.
For thirty-two year old, Shivangi Raheja, who is single and works in a PR Agency in town, relationship is more important than marriage. “We should see both the things separately. Having seen relationships dying after marriages, I would prefer to be in a relationship than getting married just for the heck of it. Now when women are financially independent, they don’t need men who can them for life but a companion who can support her be there in tough times.”
“I respect and believe in the institution of marriage but the relationship matrices around me make me feel disconnected to the perceived notions of marriage. I think we have been too obsessed with marriage, and often forget what we ourselves want to do in our own lives. Its impact is overbearing on our entire lives. We grow up while being constantly bombarded with messages on how a good boy or girl should be, and most of these 'good' things are in sync with the cultural, male-chauvinistic and conventional notions of marriage,” says activist-writer Bobby Ramakant.
“I will NOT be controlled,” says Amitabh Mishra, adding, “Why is that when one gets married one is supposed to become the slave of the woman in the bedroom. I am not saying one should be disloyal but then, no one can control me. Often, what happens is first you are forced to get hitched by the extended family then, the woman is almost forced to have a kid so, there’s no getting away and lo! two or, three lives are spoilt and everyone watches the circus!”
Adds, Ramakant, “People are challenging rituals and discovering their own selves. I believe genuine companionship and emotional security are the two anchors that keep two people bonded in togetherness and not janampatris or sanskar!”
Naish Hasan who is social worker and works with youths in city slums says, "I don't believe that marriage is Janam Janam Ka Saath or Poorva Janam Ka Bandahan. But it is like any other relationship that breaks when there are differences. It's better for women to see marriage as relationship that binds two similar minded people together and if they are not comfortable with each other, they should stay apart. This bent of mind can help women overcoming their pain in broken marriages as its mostly women who suffer in such situations.” Social psychologist Smita Sharma adds, “See, the very reason extra-marital affairs take place is because people are stuck in pseudo alliance forced upon them by family”.
Indeed, the Lakhnawi knows his mind somewhere between the divorcing for compatibility’s sake in Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna and the arranged marriage theme of Vivaah. Not hesitant to break away and remain the centre of one’s universe, is the dictum to follow. Anyone knot agreeing?
