HT Image
HT Image

On Living Apart Together

While a debate still rages over the marriage versus live-in relationship issue in India, the West has moved on to a new concept.
By Deepa Gahlot | Hindustan Times, Mumbai
UPDATED ON FEB 15, 2008 02:08 PM IST

In Mumbai, while a debate still rages over the marriage versus live-in relationship issue, the west has moved on to a new concept - living apart together, referred to as LAT. If anything has an official tag and makes it to the Wikipedia, then it's time to take a look at it.

Virginia Woolf had dreamed of a ‘room of one's own', for a woman, as being true to her creative self. But in modern times, British actress, Helena Bonham Carter and her husband, Tim Burton, and many other couples have taken it further to ‘a home of one's own'.

Together yet apart
They are together, but live in different homes and profess that this arrangement suits them fine.

LAT is an urban phenomenon, confined to people of independent means and views, who can afford separate homes. Either that. Or single parents who cannot afford a home large enough to accommodate a new family, but want to be in a committed relationship.

It wouldn't work for people who get married or are in a steady relationship, just for the sake of being a part of a nuclear family unit and raise kids. But it works for couples who file for divorce and get into new relationships even when they are older.

Set in their ways
These couples may have grown-up kids who have moved out, or they may not have children. But they may still want the emotional stability of a committed relationship without the messy adjustment of living together, especially if they're used to an independent lifestyle - set in their ways, as it's said about people in the older age bracket.

There are, of course, those whose careers take them to different cities and are forced into long-distance relationships. But LAT applies to couples who're living in the same city or even the same neighbourhood or building, but decide it's best to be together in a marriage or commitment.

For convenience sake, they maintain separate households. Privately, many couples, even happily married ones, will admit that their lives would be richer if they didn't have to live together.

Tolerance levels
Over a period of time, if the marriage survives the initial difficult years of adjustment, it generates tolerance for one another's irritating habits and quirks. Two persons may develop different interests, careers or lifestyles as they grow older.

For instance, one may want to work out of home, the other likes to entertain a lot; one may like to go out partying.. the other might want to stay home and read; one may turn into a compulsive keepeverything-in-order type.. the other is messy .

They may love each other and want the marriage to work out but may not want to share the same home. For them, voila, there's LAT. It even keeps the romance alive, just being able to say, once in a while, "Your place or mine?" Your place, my place.

SHARE THIS ARTICLE ON
Close
A health worker collects a swab sample for a Covid-19 test at Anand Vihar Bus Terminal, in New Delhi, India,( Photo by Raj K Raj/ Hindustan Times)
A health worker collects a swab sample for a Covid-19 test at Anand Vihar Bus Terminal, in New Delhi, India,( Photo by Raj K Raj/ Hindustan Times)

6 states contributed to 86.37% of new Covid-19 cases, says govt

By hindustantimes.com | Edited by Mallika Soni
PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 01:14 PM IST
The states have been advised to increase Covid-19 testing and develop strategies with respect to potential super spreading events.
Close
Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) launches the Brazilian satellite Amazonia-1 from the Satish Dhawan Space Centre in Sriharikota.(PTI)
Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) launches the Brazilian satellite Amazonia-1 from the Satish Dhawan Space Centre in Sriharikota.(PTI)

PM Modi congratulates Bolsonaro on successful launch of Amazonia-1 satellite

By hindustantimes.com, New Delhi
UPDATED ON FEB 28, 2021 01:15 PM IST
  • The launch took place from Satish Dhawan Space Centre in Sriharikota in Andhra Pradesh.
Close
IPS officer Sanjeeb Panda tweeted about the fire this morning.(Courtesy- Twitter)
IPS officer Sanjeeb Panda tweeted about the fire this morning.(Courtesy- Twitter)

Narrow escape for Odisha IPS officers as 3 Satkosia eco retreat tents catch fire

By Debabrata Mohanty, Bhubaneswar
PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 01:05 PM IST
  • Transport commissioner Sanjeeb Panda and his IPS officer wife Santosh Bala (Home department special secretary), were in one of the three tents that caught fire.
Close
West Bengal chief minister Mamata Banerjee. (File photo)(HT_PRINT)
West Bengal chief minister Mamata Banerjee. (File photo)(HT_PRINT)

News updates from HT: ABP-C-Voter opinion poll predicts edge for TMC in Bengal

By hindustantimes.com, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 01:01 PM IST
Here are today’s top news, analysis, and opinion. Know all about the latest news and other news updates from Hindustan Times.
Close
The Bombay high court. (HT File Photo)
The Bombay high court. (HT File Photo)

Bombay HC refuses to interfere in physical criteria for medical admission

PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 12:56 PM IST
  • The petitioner had moved the high court in January this year after she was declared ineligible for admission to an undergraduate medical course as her left hand was amputated.
Close
The victim’s daughter discovered her mother lying in the house in a pool of blood on Saturday night.(Representational Photo/Getty Images)
The victim’s daughter discovered her mother lying in the house in a pool of blood on Saturday night.(Representational Photo/Getty Images)

70-year-old woman murdered in her house in Kalyan, police hunt for clues

PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 12:52 PM IST
  • Police said the killer slit the elderly woman's throat with a sharp weapon.
Close
PM Modi addressed the 74th episode of his monthly program Mann Ki Baat., which was broadcast live on various government channels and his YouTube channel.(PTI)
PM Modi addressed the 74th episode of his monthly program Mann Ki Baat., which was broadcast live on various government channels and his YouTube channel.(PTI)

'Regret not learning Tamil' over the years, says PM Modi on Mann Ki Baat

By hindustantimes.com | Edited by Shivani, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
UPDATED ON FEB 28, 2021 12:57 PM IST
  • "I did not learn Tamil. It is such a beautiful language, which is popular all over the world," the prime minister said.
Close
The Prime Minister also shared two video clips of a guided tour of the Statue of Unity in Gujarat’s Kevadia and another of a commentary at a cricket match in Varanasi in Sanskrit.
The Prime Minister also shared two video clips of a guided tour of the Statue of Unity in Gujarat’s Kevadia and another of a commentary at a cricket match in Varanasi in Sanskrit.

On Mann Ki Baat, PM Modi shares his ‘regret of sorts’

By hindustantimes.com | Written by Meenakshi Ray, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 12:50 PM IST
On his monthly radio programme Mann Ki Baat, PM Modi said he regrets that he could not learn the world's oldest language Tamil.
Close
Congress' 'war' room in Delhi will be without Ahmed Patel this time.
Congress' 'war' room in Delhi will be without Ahmed Patel this time.

Congress 'war' room abuzz with activity as battle for 4 states, 1 UT draws near

By Saubhadra Chatterji, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 12:30 PM IST
  • The rising demand for the ‘war room’ also coincides with the shrinking real estate space for the Congress in the national capital.
Close
Prime Minister Narendra Modi said students must apply the techniques of revision and smart ways of memorisation during their exams.
Prime Minister Narendra Modi said students must apply the techniques of revision and smart ways of memorisation during their exams.

Be warriors not worriers: PM Modi tells students set to appear in exams

By hindustantimes.com | Written by Meenakshi Ray, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 11:58 AM IST
The Prime Minister also said on Mann Ki Baat that just like every year he will interact with students and teachers during his ‘Pariksha Pe Charcha’ programme.
Close
The guidelines also make it mandatory for platforms such as Twitter and WhatsApp to identify the originator of a message that authorities consider to be anti-national and against the security and sovereignty of the country.(REUTERS)
The guidelines also make it mandatory for platforms such as Twitter and WhatsApp to identify the originator of a message that authorities consider to be anti-national and against the security and sovereignty of the country.(REUTERS)

Links for virtual court hearings can't be shared on WhatsApp groups, says SC

PTI, New Delhi
PUBLISHED ON FEB 28, 2021 11:58 AM IST
The step was taken in the wake of the newly notified Information Technology (Guidelines for intermediaries and Digital Media Ethics Code) Rules, 2021 (IT Rules, 2021).
Close
The Central Board of Direct Taxes (CBDT), that frames policy for the tax department, meanwhile, said it was fully prepared to check and monitor the role of money in influencing voters.(MINT File photo )
The Central Board of Direct Taxes (CBDT), that frames policy for the tax department, meanwhile, said it was fully prepared to check and monitor the role of money in influencing voters.(MINT File photo )

Income Tax raids ceramic tiles magnate in Chennai

PTI, New Delhi
UPDATED ON FEB 28, 2021 01:03 PM IST
The CBDT said in a statement that 8.30 crore cash was seized during the raids on the group engaged in the business of manufacture and sale of tiles and sanitaryware.
Close
Congress leader Rahul Gandhi speaks during his election campaign ahead of Tamil Nadu assembly polls, in Tirunelveli district. (PTI Photo)
Congress leader Rahul Gandhi speaks during his election campaign ahead of Tamil Nadu assembly polls, in Tirunelveli district. (PTI Photo)

'If you dare...': Rahul's latest challenge to PM Modi ahead of Mann Ki Baat

By hindustantimes.com, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
UPDATED ON FEB 28, 2021 11:46 AM IST
  • Gandhi has on several occasions attacked the government over the three farm laws, alleging that they are intended to benefit "handful of PM Modi’s friends".
Close
Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Monday outlined that the country now has to step out from an import-dependent status and fast track its defence manufacturing capabilities. (PTI Photo)(PTI)
Prime Minister Narendra Modi on Monday outlined that the country now has to step out from an import-dependent status and fast track its defence manufacturing capabilities. (PTI Photo)(PTI)

On Mann Ki Baat, PM Modi pushes for 'lab to land' mantra

By hindustantimes.com | Written by Kanishka Sarkar, Hindustan Times, New Delhi
UPDATED ON FEB 28, 2021 11:44 AM IST
Prime Minister Narendra Modi also remembered scientist Dr CV Raman on National Science Day that marks the discovery of the 'Raman Effect.'
Close
Security personnel launch a Cordon and Search Operation (CASO), in Srinagar on Wednesday. (ANI Photo)
Security personnel launch a Cordon and Search Operation (CASO), in Srinagar on Wednesday. (ANI Photo)

Eatery owner's son, injured in Srinagar militant attack, succumbs 11 day later

By Ashiq Hussain
UPDATED ON FEB 28, 2021 11:47 AM IST
  • The victims was being treated at Shri Maharaja Hari Singh hospital in Srinagar where he was on ventilator.
Close
SHARE
Story Saved
OPEN APP