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Women throwing tantrums too

I handpicked a few memorable matrimonial ads and had promised to turn my attention to the 'Grooms Wanted' classifieds this week. So here is what I found, writes Shagun Dayal.

india Updated: Nov 02, 2005 18:51 IST
Shagun Dayal
Shagun Dayal

Last week's 'Girl Talk' saw many fireworks. I got feedback in plenty - mostly from men, mostly furious. Some charged me with being unfair, while others demanded the other side of the story. I handpicked a few memorable matrimonial advertisements from the 'Brides Wanted' section of leading dailies and had promised to turn my attention to the 'Grooms Wanted' classifieds this week. So here is what I found.

I belong to the CYP, and so does my colleague Vibhuti. Most of the women are CYPs. Shobha De describes CYP in her book Spouse as Confused Young People. She deems that most of us are ambiguous when it comes to what we want in a perfect life partner. We seek something inexplicable and continue to rove till we get tired and finally succumb to someone who is near- perfect!

Women are almost synonymous with pragmatism. They want the best of both worlds and no male with a pail of fame, money, or looks can harbor their dreamboats. They continue to sail in the raging sea of relationships seeking non-existent destinations.

"Candidates with high seven-figure income need only apply". This line from one such matrimonial notice forced me to smile at her double desire - pati and a crorepati! And the word "apply" felt as if he would be even called for a written test followed by an interview!

Another one that tickled my funny bone was "girl likes shopping, scooter driving, loves to experiment with cooking". Left me wondering - would she innovate brinjal custard if she saves money after her shopping spree? It's nice to extend your simplicity and warmth, but such qualities cannot replace your personal attributes and they should occupy that space first.

The idea is to showcase your personality traits in a nutshell, but those who can afford more space often end up watering the family tree. One advertisement read: "Took her music lessons from Smt Sitalakshmi, aunt Smt Vasantha Nagaraj, Veena from Smt Vijeytakamala..." And the list went on for another three lines, and am glad she didn't continue with 'class VI Sanskrit tuitions from....'

Some CYP's give birth to more paradoxes than they can possibly handle. A woman desired "adventurous, extrovert, fun-loving" guy who should also like "home-cozyness, nature and holistic spirituality". She seemed somewhat incoherent about her husband-type. Perhaps she needed a conventional blend of "tradition and modernity". But where are such men?

Another case of such paradoxical phrases is when some parents write, "only daughter, hailing from aristocratic family, outstanding marriage assured....Dowry seekers please excuse." It just made me realize that while the pompous parents were vocal about their financial status, they were equally candid about their inability to pay dowry. Dowry is certainly not an institution to believe in, but then why be so puffed of your pelf in the first place?

If you want to look out for only "Pune-based family" for your daughter, then be prepared to hold her back if her husband gets transferred to Tiruvalla. Arranged marriages they say is a gamble. One must make all the moves after thorough contemplation but must stop trifling with the connubial sanctity.

Instances are umpteen, but they all boil down to a vague expectation. It's fair to put across your fancy of a 'knight on a white steed', but don't get shattered girls, if he gallops his steed away to hoot at the Soccer finale in Ambedkar stadium!

First Published: Oct 22, 2005 18:30 IST