The end of an error: Bouncing back from a divorce

“If you’re clear about ending a marriage, just do it,” says New Delhi-based Saurabh Vashist, 37, who runs a corporate and wedding experience company. “Don’t wait for years. And when you do, make it a clean break. Delete their number, block them on social media, even LinkedIn. Don’t end up back in bed together!” There will be moments of weakness, there will be alcohol and other traps. He recommends a reset by picking up a new hobby or starting to work out. “I made so many new friends playing golf.” And pay it forward. “If you know someone going through a divorce, take them out – a few drinks, cycling, or just a chat – they need it, and they’ll appreciate it.”

“Don’t try to remain friends,” cautions Bangalore-based copywriter Parul Kapoor, 37. “I had a very amicable divorce. Then I made the mistake of asking him about his girlfriend. That’s not smart. The only thing I was left with was feeling angry and upset.” She has since broken off contact with him and says she’s finally living her best life.

Delhi-based lawyer, Shweta Prasad, 44, has a daughter from a marriage that ended when she was in her 30s. “Don’t take out any residual anger on your child because they remind you of you ex—of course they’ll have similar traits,” she says, laughing. “And don’t think too much about what other people may say. They don’t care about you. You’re just entertainment for them.”

Don’t pack those expensive photo frames that came as wedding presents. Forget about who’s getting the better plates and bowls. Those bed sheets you and your spouse bought together? Forget about them. You’ll get better linen and make better memories. “One of the things you need to do is learn to let go,” emphasises Mohit Walia, 33, a VP of investor relations. “But also, don’t just cut off from in-laws with whom you may have had a great relationship. Just change your ex’s name on your phone, so there can be no drunk dialling.”

“When I was moving out, I packed some of my ex’s T-shirts and hoodies by mistake,” says Sosho, 39, who is between jobs. “Most people may hate any reminders of a marriage they wanted to get out of. But to be honest, I still have one or two of them; they’re oversize and damn comfortable.” She has a tip, especially for people in their thirties. “Don’t look at divorce as a disadvantage. Whenever I’ve been in a dating situation I want to get out of, or the guy seems like a creep, I use the ‘I’m a divorcee’ card. They disappear almost immediately. It’s our version of ‘Sorry, I have a boyfriend’”.