Discipline and upbringing in joint families can often be a delicate balancing act. While grandparents shower their grandchildren with love, attention, and gifts, this well-meaning affection can sometimes unintentionally create behavioural challenges.
Dr Pawan Mandaviya, consultant paediatrician and newborn specialist at Kiran Hospital, Surat, shared a case on his December 3 Instagram post that highlights this common dilemma in joint families. He also provides practical tips for parents on maintaining discipline while ensuring children still benefit from the love and support of their grandparents. (Also read: Manoj Bajpayee says ‘love is difficult’; shares relationship advice for newlyweds from his 15 years of marriage )
Why parents struggle with discipline in joint families
“A mother recently came to the OPD, completely frustrated, with her 10-year-old child, who was refusing to go to school. The grandparents insisted that the child wouldn’t go to school and let him stay home. For the past month, he had been just sitting at home,” explains Dr Mandaviya.
He further shares that the mother’s frustration was amplified by the fact that, despite being from a middle-class family, the child was receiving gifts worth two to three thousand rupees almost every day, new toys, gadgets, and more. “One day, when the child insisted on having an electronic toy car, the grandparents immediately bought it for him, spending ten thousand rupees,” Dr Mandaviya adds.
{{/usCountry}}He further shares that the mother’s frustration was amplified by the fact that, despite being from a middle-class family, the child was receiving gifts worth two to three thousand rupees almost every day, new toys, gadgets, and more. “One day, when the child insisted on having an electronic toy car, the grandparents immediately bought it for him, spending ten thousand rupees,” Dr Mandaviya adds.
{{/usCountry}}“Parents are often so busy managing household responsibilities that they can’t focus on these behavioural issues. When the mother started crying while explaining all this, the child just watched her and laughed. Seeing this, I also got very angry at the child; he’s a boy, yet he’s completely spoiled at home,” he says.
Is grandparents’ involvement always harmful?
Dr Mandaviya points out a wider social challenge: “I’m sorry to say this, but this is a bitter truth of joint families in Indian society. If you want a child to follow discipline, the mother alone cannot manage it; the whole family must work together.”
He gives a common example: “If a child lies on the floor and cries, the grandparents immediately hand over a mobile phone. When the mother tries to correct this behaviour, she seems strict, angry, and overbearing. The child learns that if they just cry or throw a tantrum, they will get whatever they want. This is why we see more tantrums, exaggeration, and overreactions over small things in children.”
How can families maintain balance in child-rearing
At the same time, Dr Mandaviya emphasises that grandparents’ involvement is not inherently bad. “When children receive love, stories, and attention from their grandparents, it strengthens their mental health in the long run. Sometimes, mothers may become overprotective or too strict, and in such cases, the support of grandparents is very important.”
He concludes with practical advice for families: “The solution is not about blame, it’s about balance. The biggest role in maintaining this balance is played by fathers. Fathers need to step forward and make it clear that parents set the rules and discipline, while grandparents support them. Love is important, but when child-rearing is balanced, the child grows up to be disciplined, confident, and emotionally strong.”
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.
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