What is microcheating? Therapist reveals 2 types and explains how one is better than the other in a relationship

While one form of microcheating is deceitful and should not be done, another form can add spark to a relationship if the partners feel secure, shares Jeff.

Relationship norms in human societies are always evolving. However, there is a prevalent consensus that cheating is never a positive, and often the thing that breaks a relationship.

A relationship thrives when a couple feels secure with each other. (Pexel)

There are many ways to cheat on a romantic partner, and not all of them have similar intensity, intentions or ramifications. Taking to Instagram on March 27, Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, spoke of microcheating in particular.

He broke the term into two categories, arguing that while one is definitely not warranted in a romantic relationship, the other may just be beneficial.

What is microcheating?

Microcheating is basically small actions that are not construed as cheating, but suggest that a person has not been completely loyal to their romantic partner. According to Jeff, they are of two different kinds, with very different implications.

The first one is shady and deceitful and should not be engaged with, while the other is a normal phenomenon and, if done right, can spark up a relationship.

“I think there are actually two different kinds. There's the kind that comes with a little bit of deceit, like texting an ex and deleting the evidence, or saving a cute new friend under a fake name,” said Jeff. “The deceit microcheating sucks, and you should not do that. Case closed. That type should keep the name microcheating because it's cheating.”

The innocent microcheating

In Jeff’s words, “There's the kind (of microcheating) that's not shady at all. More like having an impromptu flirt with a barista, an innocent crush on a professor, or lingering on a video of a hot content creator, you know?

While the therapist believes the first kind of microcheating is bad for relationships, he holds a different view of the second kind. Jeff stated that liking someone attractive on social media, or acknowledging that another person is attractive while being in a relationship, should be renamed as “flicker.”

This only works when the partners in the relationship are loyal to each other, and each trusts that the other “knows when and where and how to flicker.” Being open about flickering to each other can also be a bonus if the partners are not threatened by it.

According to Jeff, if one partner experiences a flicker and brings the energy back home to the other, that may just be more exciting for both partners, provided that they are secure in their relationship.

“Microcheating implies deceit and betrayal. Flickers are fun and normal, and in my opinion, or at least in my relationships, shouldn't be hidden and can actually make you feel more connected to your partner,” expressed Jeff.

“Obviously, it is up to you whether you're comfortable with your partner telling you about their flickers, but I love that it stops making normal human attraction into a relationship crime,” he added.

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