Cast: Govinda, Salman Khan, Lara Dutta, Katrina Kaif
Direction: David Dhawan
Just imagine. Milord, the accused in the court today are David Dhawan, Govindaji and Salman Khan saheb. I come to defend them because I am quite fed up of hurling accusations at them. Mr Dhawan has been left off scot-free every time.
Sir, Partner is his Movie No 38. Since I have never ever received justice, I have resolved to go over to their side. I want to sing the praises of this Dh-company.
(Pandemonium breaks out in court, the Ram Gopa Varma - lookalike judge shouts, “Order! Order!..silence returns) Milord, this time around Dhawanji has to be absolved of all charges. So what if a small boy—as in Adam Sandler’s Big Daddy — is shown urinating all over a rest-o-pizza joint’s restroom? I will never eat a pizza again.
Second, Govindaji is Bhaskar and Salman Khan is playing Love Guru. So what if the name Bhaskar is used for some terrible puns? All the Bhaskars of the world don’t mind, so why should you? And then this mastana duo wonder which part of a woman should be looked at first? I am sure that no double meaning was intended. Ha ha, I laughed till my belly ached..ha ha.
(Courtroom erupts in guffaws.. the judge orders, “Order! Order!”) Now milord, it’s no point in accusing Dhawanji of purloining Will Smith’s Hitch, no? So what? Have fun, time-pass man! Okay, so, Govindaji is a 40-year-old virgin (excusez the French, sir) who meets this Prem Guru, and wants to be hitched with his boss lady, Katrina Kaif. Prem tells him to buzz off.
(Prosecutor lawyer cries, “Objection! This is irrelevant.” Judge agrees) But then milord so is the screenplay. See the silly-billy caricature like the Farhan Akhtaresque Don 2 and the guru’s love interest Lara Dutta of Mumbai Masala (now which tabloid could they be referring to?).
Plus there’s a Rajat Bedi jalailo who checks into a hotel with an Arty Miss Chhabria, only to make her cry. Towards the end, sir, we are all crying because Katrina is about to marry a very young version of Tom Alter and the Love guru is mistaken for a sleazoid petrol ‘peemp’. Sob.
(Judge dabs his eyes with a hanky) Sir to be very honest, I really liked the Sarkailo takiya (thought it was khatiya actually) and the Just chill improvised tango. Also Govindaji is so howlarious when he parodies songs like Kabhi kabhie. He overacts, he acts and he underacts.. I love him.and this is no sms message to Mr Nigam please.
(Prosecutor cries, “I object.. my azeez colleague has a bias favouring, Govindaji.”) I swear sir.. it’s just that I don’t think flaunting the best bare chest in India and speaking in an Italiano accent amounts to acting. Sir Salman Khan may wow the little girls.. but I’m not one.
(Huge hubbub) Sir, I have given you all my evidence. Sajid-Wajid’s music is bouncy, cinematography is of falooda colours, the ladies are decorative lamps.. the dialogue by Sanjay Chhel is feather-light, so funeee sir.. I rest my case. Now please pass the judgement.
(Court is adjourned.. reassembles.. Dhawan, Govinda, Khan and Deepshikha await the judgment eagerly) I sweat since this is the first case I have ever fought for any of them.
(Mega-pause) Judge declares, “I sentence everyone here today to two-hours-and-20-minutes of punishment.. they must see Partner.. failing which they will have to Rs 200 for the front row seats and Rs 500 for the blanket types. And Mr Mohamed you shouldn’t rave about a film which caters to the lowest common denominator. This was not expected of you. (Hubbub2) Order! Order!”