Spice of life: The right match isn’t the prized catch
Marriage is not about finding the perfect partner. It’s more about creating a perfect relationship out of the imperfectionsUpdated: Apr 19, 2018 15:25 IST
When I was studying in a professional college, I avoided going out with my parents whenever I went visiting home. The marriage proposals that kept on dropping in propitiously from all quarters made me uncomfortable. I was in my twenties and was considered of marriageable age. They sized me up nicely, evaluated my looks, the grace I exuded, if any, and my professional qualifications that added a feather in my cap.
I had little time and inclination to dress up in a fancy way that was considered appropriate for a prospective girl of marriageable age. I never realised that I was constantly judged until I was treated with a remark from a respectable family friend. “Look at my daughter, the way she dresses up. You really have to be more presentable and attractive to be flooded with more proposals.” I gave my reasons that being in a professional college took a toll for we were buried under books most of the time. Passing out with good credit points was my priority.
A friend in her final year of medical college narrated a marriage proposal with a twist. The prospective groom ran a chain of hospitals. When he took her out on a coffee date, he insisted on seeing her mark sheets. When she assured him that she indeed was good theoretically, he ricocheted off by asking her questions, testing her practical knowledge on tibia pinning, radius ulna, shaft fractures and treatment of osteoarthritis.
“The date was like a viva voce,” she said, bundling off the proposal for she felt it was akin to living under the constant watch of someone who would be judging her every single day of her life for her skills and perfection. And yes, a viva every morning. To her, it seemed like a transfer from one medical college to another.
Another friend with a taxing job was constantly asked by her prospective husband to take better care of her skin and advised a particular brand of sun screen.
After the engagement, he insisted on seeing the kind of beauty products she used. Most of the chats revolved around a clean skin and a beautiful face. She soon broke off the engagement, citing her inability to match the perfectionist standards of the groom and her inability to take part in the Mrs India pageant.
I realised marriages of all are not about finding perfect and flawless partners. They are not bearing the mantle of perfectionism in any way. It’s more about creating a perfect relationship out of the imperfections. Constant judging and critical evaluation takes the charm out of matchmaking. The real challenge does not lie in finding the most beautiful and immaculate partner. It’s all about sustaining a beautiful relationship in ways that will enrich your life over the years. So, find that special someone out there but be more humane and accommodating. After all, marriages are relationships and not competitive sports.
(The writer is a Hoshiarpur-based veterinarian)
First Published: Apr 19, 2018 15:25 IST