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Witerati: Santa, gift an app for folks who snap

Wishlist-2017 for Santa to gift magical App, for partners & progeny who’ve an addiction to Snapchat or to snap.

punjab Updated: Dec 24, 2017 12:54 IST
It’s that time of year when all things sundry pause to make time for a wishlist for Santa Claus.
It’s that time of year when all things sundry pause to make time for a wishlist for Santa Claus. (Representative image )

It’s that time of year when all things sundry pause to make time for a wishlist for Santa Claus.

When the rich and famous are at it, can lesser mortals be far behind! From UK’s Prince George to our home-grown princes of Bollywood, everybody is busy getting Santa into busier mode. And when the wishes straddle from cute to crazy — from prince George’s wish for police-cars to a certain Bollywood prince aspiring for trip to Mars, Santa sure is spoilt for choice.

But in this season of candies ‘n’ plum cake, what actually takes the cake is the American’s wishlist of the Xmas gifts Tweeple are expecting from Donald Trump — “Impeachment in a pear tree” to an “honorary degree from Trump University” to “an ugly toupee so you can do a Trump comb over”!

While Santa’s at it and as he doth pore at wishes that from the world over do pour, here’re one’s own wishes galore. Driven by digital times, this Season-2017 wishlist “virtually” strives to be as much apt as App.

“Dear Santa, since it’s been a year when then new media further tightened it’s hold with all things App, WhatsApp or crap, can you please gift an App that programs the human system to navigate this digital profusion and confusion more simply — by simply staying off all stuff App.

What with wacky Apps eating smartphone space, as much as cerebral and social space — be it RunPee, that comes riding a digital trick that times your run to cineplex restrooms such that the calls of nature don’t deprive you of critical scenes of a flick, or a Hopper, that saves you from hopping from one website to another for cheapest airfares — how one wishes Santa would grant a simpler life where one minds one’s pee’s and queues non-digitally — ZeroApp!

“Dear Santa, for the sake of serenity as much as sanity, can you please gift a holiday to a destination even as sub-zero on exoticism as Siachin or Siberia, as long as it’s a complete break away from ‘Cyberia’!”

“Dear Santa, while it sounds jolly good fun that many a digitally-driven offspring could have hotlines with you on Instagram or Snapchat to convey Xmas wishes, could you please gift the parents of such social media-addicted progeny an App that would make our teenagers go low on Snappy Chat with poor parenthood because they’re as high on “Swag” as on Snapchat.”

“Santa dear, last but not the least, while you’re at it — tailoring technology to cope with digitally-endangered parenthood, how about “virtual” succour for spouse-hood?

With many a “joru ka ghulam” (JKG) in action on social media — from Bollywood’s self-confessed JKGs King Khan and “Khiladi” Akshay Kumar to an actor who even let ex-joru fight his Twitter battle to many a fellow Facebooker, who’re “relatively” verbose, if not singing patni paeans then penning plenty patni-praising prose.

Just in jest, Santa dear, so impressed is one by these JKGs whose blessed better halves bag “devoted” husbandly mentions on various media — not because they’re hi-flying earth scientists but because they’re “unearth” experts who once discovered a “joru ka ghulam” — that could you please invent and gift a magical App that presto converts non-JKGs (NJKGs) into ‘joru ka gulams’!!!”

Pati Patni ... Aur App (or Aap) in a pear tree!

(Disclaimer: Resemblance to non-JKGs is purely intentional, but resemblance to ‘joru ka ghulams’, reel or real, is purely coincidental !)

chetnabanerjee@gmail.com