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Thursday, Sep 19, 2019

Seriously Cyrus: Of long distance relationships and getting married

Cyrus Broacha gives you advice on love, relationships and more.

sex-and-relationships Updated: Sep 09, 2019 12:07 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha
Hindustan Times,
Marriage is no laughing matter unless you mean someone else’s marriage.
Marriage is no laughing matter unless you mean someone else’s marriage.(Shutterstock)
         

I am a 24-year-old guy and I have been dating a colleague for the last two months. However, she will be shifting cities soon and we are not sure of how to take this ahead with the whole long-distance relationship. How can we make this work? — KP

KP, the Kushan King Kanishka, (full name Kanish B Chaudhry), fell in love with a girl in the city of Galalalah. Galalah was full day’s ride by rickshaw from Kanishka’s residence. And, mind you in those days, rickshaws had no motors, forget meter down, and payments were tedious as this was way before PayTm. Anyhow, an irritated Kanishka, simply conquered Galalah, and moved his capital to that city. KP, I’m telling you this, so you don’t do anything that Kanishka did. He was a king, who never wore long pants. You are no king, and from what I can see you are a trouser man. You know that obvious answer, thanks to technology, your relationship has a chance. Facetime, email, text, insta, there is enough to keep you connected. On the flesh and bone front, plan a visit every now and then. Every month you visit her once, and she visits you. It can be done. Just not Kanishka’s way.

I am a 30-year-old woman and my family has been looking for a suitable alliance now. However, I feel I am still not ready for marriage and my parents just refuse to understand this. How should I convince them? Please help. — YM

I’ve been screaming about this since I was six months old. YM, age has no real role to play in whether you are ready for marriage or not. Of course one has to draw the line at nine-year-olds. But, by and large there is no correct, specific age for marriage. Steve Waugh, the cricketer, got married at 21. Larry King, (my hero), just got divorced at 88, so he can marry again. Many people get married, and then spend rest of their lives hiding from their spouses. Of course, this is the very definition of successful marriage in many cultures. The point that I should have made, if I wasn’t heavily medicated was, that, you marry only when ‘you’, feel ready. Not to please your parents, your shopkeeper, your math tuition teacher, or your Aunty Indu. So, first convince yourself that you won’t be controlled by others. Then be absolutely firm. Marriage is no laughing matter unless you mean someone else’s marriage.

I am a 27-year-old man and I have been married for the last six months. Things are smooth but somewhere I feel, we are not getting to know each other well. How do you think can we get to know more about each other? — PI

The Romance writer Arvind B.C. Subramannim, wrote a book called, ‘The Code of Arvind’. Although 90% of the book is about calisthenics, and indoor plumbing, one chapter speaks of, how to get close to you partner. Arvind, recommends three options. (a) Shave together. A couple who shaves together, stays together. Of course this means any daily activity, of which shaving topped his list, (b) Go on short holidays. 3 day holidays, just the couple was great way to bond. It’s a happier environment and as long as you don’t exceed 5 days, there shouldn’t be too much squabbling, and (c) Take up one of her pastimes. For instance, if she likes crochet, you can learn it too. If you can factor in all three points. You, like Arvind, will lead a very happy life. Also, please note, Arvind himself never, ever, got married.

I am a 29-year-old woman and I am dating a guy for the last two years. I want to take things to the next level, but I am tired of waiting for him to ask me out. Do you think it is okay to pop the question myself, or should I just ask him to ask me out? — TK

TK, I got 92% in English, 67% in Hindi, and passed Marathi. However, in college I did fail in Russian. So, I ask you TK, is your question in Russian? You see, I can’t understand it. You first say, you were dating him for two years. But you are also waiting for him to ask you out? If you are dating him, how can he not have asked you out? So, I’ll have to answer some made up questions. And my answers are (a) Yes, (b) No, (c) 23, (d) No idea. Now that that’s done, I will say this, it appears you are waiting for him to propose? If so, why be so sexcist? If you like him, and he likes you, then why can’t you simply propose to him? What’s the big deal? Its 2019. Our problems, are potholes and water logging. Proposals are easier.

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First Published: Sep 09, 2019 12:05 IST