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‘I was just 14 when I first decided to adopt’: Single mother on raising her daughter
Speaking to Hindustantimes.com, a single mother detailed how she overcame personal trauma to adopt and raise a girl.
Choosing to adopt a child means stepping into a lifetime of deliberate, unconditional love that openly challenges conventional mindsets. Devanshi Yadav did exactly that when she chose to bring her daughter, Vanmayi Devanshi Yadav, into her life on her own terms. Speaking exclusively to Hindustantimes.com, the proud single mother and sexual abuse survivor detailed how she normalised the beautiful reality of adoption for her now seven-and-a-half-year-old daughter right from day one, proving that a dedicated parent is all a child truly needs to thrive.
Yadav, daughter of an army martyr and a police officer, first decided to adopt when she was just 14 years old. Recalling her decision, she shared, “I was just 14 when I first decided I wanted to adopt. My father was martyred in a terrorist bomb blast attack when I was only nine months old, so the urge to build a family of my own terms began very early in my life. In my twenties, I was teaching at an orphanage in Delhi, where I met a baby girl with a hearing and speech impairment. We managed to get her cochlear implants done, but that organisation didn’t allow adoption.”
Though she was unable to adopt, it was the turning point in her life. She shared, “That experience was the turning point. The moment my quiet calling transitioned into a concrete decision. I realised my desire to be a mother never depended on a biological connection, and I finally felt ready to welcome a child into my heart and my home.”
Why did she decide to adopt?
She said, “Growing up, my motherly instincts always took centre stage. In our country, we hear far too many heartbreaking stories little girls abandoned, and even worse, the reality of female infanticide, where millions of girls never even got the chance to live, in a nation that otherwise worships the Devi,” adding, “As a survivor myself of sexual assault and an acid attack I understand firsthand what it means to fight for your right to exist, to be seen, and to reclaim your life on your own terms. That journey made me want to be a mother to a daughter, to raise a girl who knows her worth from day one, and to show her that with equal opportunity, girls can achieve far more than we ever imagined. Adoption, for me, became a way to stand for that belief not just to talk about it, but to live it.”
Hurdles on the way
While her determination was unwavering and her heart was completely full of love, navigating the complex adoption process was far from easy. Yet, she never once complained about the rigorous journey, firmly believing that every strict rule exists solely to protect the children.
Yadav explained, “The process is extremely important as a parent. As someone who’s worked in child welfare activism for the last ten years, I understand exactly why every step matters; it’s all designed to keep a child safe, and I genuinely believe that's nonnegotiable.”
She continued, “The registration, evaluation, the paperwork and the home study, allows you to tap into motherhood. It’s all done for child safety. I’m extremely happy that they have such strict rules. The moment I finally held Vanmayi at the court, every single hurdle instantly became worth it.”
“How will you manage alone?”
Her decision to adopt came with concerns and negative remarks from people around her. Yadav shared, “As a single mother adopting in India, you inevitably encounter some traditional mindsets, and raised eyebrows. I faced a few passive remarks questioning if I could ‘manage alone’ or why I didn't choose a conventional path.”
However, she blocked out the noise and chose to surround herself with people who supported her, especially her mother and grandmother.
“My focus was entirely on building a life for my daughter. Seeing my name as the sole parent on her official documents with no father’s name required feels like such a liberating win. It’s my quiet way of smashing the patriarchy, one document, one question, one raised eyebrow at a time.”
How did her family respond to the adoption?
Yadav recalled, “Initially, my grandmother and mother were scared. A few apprehensions and questions out of concern for my future. But once they saw my determination they supported me wholeheartedly.”
She told hindustantimes.com, “My mother served in the police department as an officer for 30 years, single handedly raising me and fighting society’s judgment every step of the way. She set the example that a woman doesn’t need anyone else to raise a family with dignity. Today, she’s the most incredible Nani to Vanmayi living proof that the courage she showed us is now shaping the next generation too.”
Balancing childcare and work:
Yadav is the founder of Shaheed Ramashray Welfare Society, an NGO. She is also an advocate for survivors of sexual violence, domestic violence, and child welfare and mental health.
Balancing demanding advocacy work with full-time parenting is a challenge she faces. For Yadav, however, navigating this routine without a partner felt entirely natural, having been raised by a resilient single mother herself. Speaking on how she handles the daily pressure, she shared, “Honestly, it’s a constant balancing act, and I won’t pretend it’s ever perfectly figured out. So many mothers in our country are single mothers in every way that matters, they’re the ones doing it all, while very few men contribute equally at home. So single motherhood was never something unfamiliar to me. I was raised by one. It’s just my normal, and I think motherhood, in general, demands far more than we ever acknowledge.”
Rather than striving for an impossible standard of work-life perfection, she chooses to embrace a more integrated approach to raising her daughter. With the unwavering support of her own mother, she has woven her social activism directly into her daughter's daily life, allowing Vanmayi to learn about empathy and change-making firsthand.
Explaining her parenting philosophy, she added, “I’ve learned to let go of perfection, with juggling multiple roles, because I truly believe a truly present parent is all that a child needs. I also lean on my support system which is my mother. And in some beautiful ways, my work and motherhood aren’t entirely separate Vanmayi has grown up around conversations on adoption, mental health, and advocacy, so in many ways, she’s growing up alongside my work, not apart from it.”
Did she tell her kid about the adoption?
Yadav shared, “Vanmayi is seven and a half now, and honestly, there was never a moment of ‘telling’ her because she’s known from day one. I started very early with beautiful, inclusive books on adoption, books that also spoke about surrogacy and different kinds of families, so the idea was never foreign to her. It was just… normal.”
“We also had a lovely real-life moment, we had some Indie dogs in our area, and when she found them loving families, it became a beautiful, tangible way for her to understand what adoption really means.”
“Today, she speaks about adoption with such confidence she’s even spoken about it at school competitions. We’ve always been open with her about the differences between biological and adoptive families, because for us, honesty was never optional. It was non-negotiable. And I think that openness is exactly why she owns her story so beautifully today,” Yadav added with a smile.
