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Attracted to intelligence? Here's all that you need to know!

If you are a sapiosexual, you must be more attracted to:1. Rahul Bose and not Hrithik Roshan 2. Konkona Sen Sharma and not Katrina Kaif 3. Woody Allen and not George Clooney.

brunch Updated: Feb 02, 2017 18:32 IST
Saudamini Jain
Saudamini Jain
Hindustan Times
Darren Stalder,Wolfieboy,LiveJournal

From Latin sapiens (wise) + sexus (sex).

One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature.
Usage: If you are a sapiosexual, you must be more attracted to:1. Rahul Bose and not Hrithik Roshan 2. Konkona Sen Sharma and not Katrina Kaif 3. Woody Allen and not George Clooney


Of, or relating to, finding intellectual stimulation sexually arousing went to a nuclear science museum for their first anniversary. It was always a very sapiosexual relationship.

Darren Stalder aka Wolfieboy, who blogs on the Web journal LiveJournal, claims to have invented the word in 1998 – it’s something he says he lives by because, “You can only f**k someone for so long (5-8 hours is finite) but you can talk forever.”

Late last year, OkCupid, the very popular (and for some in the Brunch team, very helpful) dating website, allowed its users to specify their sexual orientation. You could be asexual, heteroflexible (basically bisexual, but with a leaning towards people of the opposite sex), pansexual (attraction to any gender identity)... and sapiosexual.

If you are sapiosexual, it essentially means you’re smart enough to know what it means and you’re looking for someone smart enough to know what it means.

The case for
Bloggers and Tumblrs went nuts. They wrote and wrote and wrote about being “proud to be sapiosexual”, about just how attractive it is to meet someone whose face is hidden by a book.

Thought Catalog
, the website which catalogues lives and lists of (and by) 20-somethings called it brainsex – and wrote about the importance of dating someone who is attracted to intelligence.

The case against

The opposite of being superficial isn’t always a good thing. Mainstream international media hated it. Bustle called it the worst dating trend, The Daily Beast called it pretentious.

And in Gawker, Chris Donaghue, a sex therapist, was quoted saying that labelling yourself a sapiosexual is lazy and limiting because, "It’s just not realistic to think that one is going to ignore physical attraction or lack thereof due to an intensive psychological attraction – as though that intellectual interest overpowers everything else. At some point, [couples] end up in my office: Great conversation. No physical attraction. No sexual chemistry." to be/attract a sapiosexual

1. Use big words.
You’re not fun, you’re convivial. You’re not smart, you’re erudite. You don’t get offended, you take umbrage. You don’t wander, you obambulate. When sexting, don’t be wild and horny, be feral and wanton.

2. Your social media and dating profiles should include a very intelligent (and intimidating) reading list. None of that bestselling nonsense. Leo Tolstoy (you should have read War And Peace and Anna Karenina) must be your hero, you should have grown up reading Kurt Vonnegut (for a touch of the counter-culture).

You must be able to agree or disagree – depending on your mood – with Sartre. Always carry a book/Kindle around.

3. When discussing Game of Thrones, drop references from The War Of The Roses – "What constitutes fantasy today, was in fact medieval England reality".

4. Have a political ideology, learn to defend it.

5. If you have nothing to say, just look disdainful. Most people only pretend to be sapiosexual anyway!

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From HT Brunch, July 5

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First Published: Jul 03, 2015 18:28 IST