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Random Forays | Why do our tempers flare up so often?
Losing one’s cool is not so cool and we need to focus on managing our tempers; if we look at ourselves a little analytically, each one of us can discern what actually makes us blow our tops
As a Scorpio by birth, I felt during my younger days that I had the licence to flare up at times. My temper would spike like a steep mountain but luckily it would subside shortly thereafter. Having read Linda Goodman and her ilk thoroughly, I knew all there was to know about the Scorpio sun sign and the volatile traits of those born in it.
Over the years , I realised, however, that losing one’s cool was not so cool! Thankfully I am more temperate in my temper management these days and my friends consider me to be a relatively calm individual.
The fact that anger is detrimental to our health and wellbeing is well documented. However, none of us gives a damn when moments of anger come to us. It is almost impossible in that situation to control one’s impulse to seethe and shout. But if we work on our moods in offline situations and perhaps practice yoga as well as meditation, we just might be able to refrain from boiling over even when provoked repeatedly by others.
According to a Harvard University research, “Flares and flashes. Outbursts and eruptions. The words used to describe anger tend to be volcanic. And science may explain why. When an angry feeling coincides with aggressive or hostile behaviour, it also activates the amygdala, an almond-shaped part of the brain associated with emotions, particularly fear, anxiety, and anger.”
If we look at ourselves a little analytically, each one of us can discern what actually makes us blow our tops. The raison d’etre for each person’s anger episodes is likely to be unique and distinct. But an introspective insight into our own conduct will enable us to understand the causes of our short fuses.
Perhaps, then, it might be possible to eliminate or at least contain some of the shouting matches that we tend to indulge in. The frequency and intensity of losing one’s temper can surely be reduced if not minimised, if only we would try. Not only will such triers become more likable, they will also become healthier human beings.
Another aspect of this discussion involves the vibrations that a short tempered person emits even when he or she is not actually in the midst of a tantrum. Just by being a cynical and fault finding being, an angry person rattles those who are around.
A former editor, who drives around in the hills a lot these days, confided that he makes a pledge to himself each time he commences on a journey. He tells himself that he will not abuse anyone on the road even silently, and even if the ‘rascal’ deserves it! And he adds that he has a feeling of nirvana every time he accomplishes this challenging task.
Our society needs many more such determined gentlemen who are able to eschew their tendency to chew people up. Haha!
If a dusty desk, a spicy curry, a missing pen or an absentminded mistake repeatedly earns someone our ire, we need a re-look at our own conduct. We have no business to throw around our weight at trifles and hurt the feelings of others at home or office.
Mindfulness expert Eckhart Tolle says that wherever there is anger, there is pain underneath. And one might add that an undercurrent of insecurity could be the reason for the behaviour of an over-aggressive boss or family member.
A corollary to this point could be the fact that authority is not as important as respect. Someone who is firm but gentle might earn much more goodwill than someone who is unpleasantly rough with people. A powerful chair does not give us a licence to scare people. They are sure to curse us under their breath each time and we will not earn brownie points with the Almighty either.
The word ‘danger’ uncannily has ‘anger’ embedded in it and thus the owner of an ‘angersome’ persona had better watch out! The tables are easily turned in real life and he might just have to repent for his uncouth conduct when the day of reckoning comes!
