The whole truth with a twist in the tale

Spice of Life: All of a sudden he stopped short, horror struck, looked uncle up and down, whilst scanning the results of a blood report and said: “Where did you get this one done? It is unbelievable.

As a writer (if I may describe myself as one at the risk of sounding immodest), I suppose I do have the licence to garnish my anecdotes with that extra bit of spice (after all, it’s not The Spice of Life column for nothing) or sprinkle some nuggets and bits of exaggeration as a means of enhancing the flavour of my piece or even make up a little story as a seasoning to add that little zing and hold the interest of my readers, but as often as not I do get asked some probing questions regarding the veracity of a particular episode or the experiences I may have attributed as my own. It makes me wonder as to why anyone would take my written word as the gospel truth or even consider that I should only write what I have truthfully and personally experienced!

The doctor actually looked unnerved and ordered the family to immediately make uncle undergo a fresh battery of tests under his personal supervision. (Representative photo)

Many of you, I am sure, are about to abandon the rest of my article in disgust, appalled that I am quite a liar, deceiver and a fraudster. But if you trust me (and why should you?), this latest tale about to unfold is true to the very last word.

My uncle had not been keeping well for quite some time and the worried family took an appointment with a high-profile doctor, carried all his previous medical reports and reached the hospital. The good doctor, a no-nonsense fellow, in keeping with most members of his revered profession, short on time, possessing an even shorter threshold of patience and a long queue of anxious patients shuffling outside his door, admitted them in and listened to uncle’s symptoms, while simultaneously riffling through the file of extensive tests undergone previously. All of a sudden he stopped short, horror struck, looked uncle up and down, whilst scanning the results of a blood report and said: “Where did you get this one done? It is unbelievable. A patient with readings such as these is likely to be frothing at the mouth, writhing on the floor or have collapsed already!”

He actually looked unnerved and ordered the family to immediately make uncle undergo a fresh battery of tests under his personal supervision.

My aunt, not one to be calm or collected under normal circumstances, understandably had a few hysterical moments and in a distraught and panicked state rushed out of the door, while desperately scanning the report once again. Peering at it carefully, she went quiet and a shamed look came upon her face. Mortified she beckoned to her son standing inside, crestfallen at the turn of events, scared for his father. The blood report in question was that of their pet dog! Uncle’s name was on it and on the side was scribbled illegibly the word, ‘Owner’.

I don’t know what they did next and I think I will not ever ask them because the scene with the doctor could not have been pretty. Uncle, fortunately, is hale and hearty now, healthy enough to recount this tale, where they all blame each other for the mixing up the reports and every narration ends up in blasts of loud laughter.

For this one, I am willing to take the witness stand, place my hand on my heart, and solemnly affirm that I am speaking the truth, the whole truth, so help me God! pallavisingh358@gmail.com

The writer is a Jalandhar-based freelance contributor