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Anoushka trying to make sense of life

Sometimes, I feel life has to get really hard, in order for one to take stock, to look at what’s wrong and what needs to change. I think I’m in one of those phases, writes Anoushka Shankar.

india Updated: Oct 02, 2009 19:31 IST
Anoushka Shankar

I’m sick. I’m tired. I’m stressed. And I’m scared. I hope you’re better than I am! God, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I keep waiting for this run of luck to Anoushka Shankarbreak, but apparently things are coming to a head in my life. Sometimes, I feel life has to get really hard, in order for one to take stock, to look at what’s wrong, and what needs to change. I think I’m in one of those phases.

Come to think of it, didn’t I write months ago about Saturn Return? As I sheepishly remember writing, one’s Saturn Return tends to make things harder for you before things get easier, in order to push you into the changes you need to make. Ha! Apparently Saturn wasn’t going to let me forget.

I’m sorry if I’m sounding cryptic; it’s just that I’m not in the frame of mind to write a happy-happy column when things are so rough, for I can’t bring myself to lie write now.

I’m sick, as mentioned above. Being really sick brings out the baby in most of us, and I’m no exception. I’m always the guns-blazing type-o-gal, and usually work and push myself past my limit, until my body forces me to take rest by getting sick. I guess four trips between California and London this last two months, with trips around the States, and all manner of work in the middle, was going to take its toll! But really, that’s a lie, and I said I wouldn’t lie. It’s not just work; I’m having a hard time in my own life right now. And it’s all piled on at the same time, and it’s one of those rare times in my life that I feel I’m barely keeping it together.

I’m tired, because last week I was in LA on Monday, London on Tuesday, New York on Wednesday and back in San Diego on Thursday, and my brain is spinning. No wonder I’m sick in bed!

I’m stressed, because I go back on tour next Monday and there is an insane amount of work to wrap up at home before I go. Things are going wrong in the plans for my show in London next November and if I don’t fix all that before I leave there’s no time after the tour. My personal life is currently in shambles and I’m trying to make what sense of it that I can.

I’m scared because a dear friend of mine just went through something traumatic, and is dealing with the repercussions. Talking to her on the phone for hours everyday is the only thing I can do for her, and it’s draining, though of course I wish I could do more. I want her to get better, so much, and I’m trying to find it in me to do what a good friend does, and go beyond my limits to be there for her.

Thanks for reading this diatribe, and warm wishes to you all.

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