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'Bigg Boss ambience was a killer'

Model-turned-actress Anupama Varma calls her departure from Sony's game show Bigg Boss the happiest eviction ever.

india Updated: Dec 18, 2006 19:57 IST

Model-turned-actress Anupama Varma calls her departure from Sony's game show Bigg Boss the happiest eviction ever.

"I desperately wanted to come out. Of course I was missing Aryan (Vaid) and wanted to be with him. But it wasn't his absence that made me want to run away. The ambience in there was a killer," Anupama told IANS.

After Aryan was voted out, it became difficult for Anupama to survive because rival groups had formed and she was not part of any of them.

"All the people I liked - Deepak Parasherji, Bobby Darling, Kashmira Shah and Rakhi Sawant - they were all gone. I felt like Guru Dutt singing Bichde sabhi bari-bari...' I was a little friendly with the boys. But I'm too reserved to hang around with them.

"When Rakhi Sawant came back to Karjat dressed like Santa Claus, I don't know what image she projected. But she's a good-hearted girl and she really loves me. As Santa she gave chocolates to others. I was the only one who got a teddy bear. Another very good human being was Bobby Darling. I bawled like a baby when Bobby left."

Anupama says initially she was weary of Rakhi and Kashmira.

"Funny, but the two girls I feared the most, Rakhi and Kashmira, turned out to be friends. And Carol (Gracias), who I thought was my friend, made me miserable.

"I don't know what her problem was. She's a ramp girl while I'm a photo-model so there shouldn't be any rivalry. I think she didn't like my being friendly with Ravi Kishan."

However, Anupama doesn't share Aryan's disdain for Ravi.

"Very honestly Ravi was good to me right from the start. Though Aryan told me he has a colourful image, Ravi was always a gentleman with me - so much so that he was hesitant about giving me a hug. After Aryan left, Ravi and Deepak Tijori were my pillars of support."

Anupama was rankled by the attitude of Carol and TV actress Rupali Ganguly.

"From what Deepak explained to me they were intimidated by me. In fact, Rupali admitted as much on the show. But why? And Carol? I don't know what her problem was. I felt so isolated. Being bitchy and mean doesn't come naturally to me. No one from outside can understand what I had to go through.

"Two days ago I finally cracked up. My mother had warned me I wouldn't be able to survive for even two days if I came across even one bitchy girl. I came across two. But on the plus side, I was not nominated for eviction till now whereas others like Rupali and Carol have been repeatedly nominated. So, as far as I'm concerned I'm a winner."

She did miss Aryan in there.

"I had a full life waiting for me outside. But Aryan wasn't running away anywhere. I wasn't seeking an eviction to run away to my life outside. I was genuinely distressed in there. Of course, Aryan's absence made me realise how much he mattered to me. He was like an angel whom god had sent to take care of me in that strange place."

Except Carol and Rupali, Anupama is all praise for other contestants.

"I won their love and respect without having to massage their egos and feet. What was happening there was pretty disgusting. Had they all lost it?"

Anupama admits her fiercely private nature was threatened by the constant camera attention.

"I was the wrong person in the right place. I'm the kind of person who always shies away from controversies and link-ups. Every morning I'd pray that Aryan wouldn't be evicted. When he did leave I consoled myself saying god must have a plan. In that one month in Karjat I got to know as much about Aryan as I'd have in six months."

So when are the two getting married?

"It's too early to say. Right now I'm too disoriented. That I'm close to him is undeniable. Right now I need to get back to the normal world.

"When John Abraham visited us Thursday I started crying. I was starved for company. I wanted to hug even a helping hand I'd spot somewhere outside. All the emotions there were so unreal! I was claustrophobic inside. Everyone was living a sham. Though I may be from showbiz, I come from a very real world. I've had enough artificiality in there to last me a life-time."

Would she ever want to be a part of the show again?

"No way! Never again!"