Episode IV: A New Hope
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Episode IV: A New Hope

I’m starting to suspect that a weekly column is not going to be enough. There are so many people I need to respond to, and so many things to address...Imran Khan writes...

india Updated: Apr 20, 2009 20:26 IST
Imran Khan column
Imran Khan column
Hindustan Times

I’m starting to suspect that a weekly column is not going to be enough. There are so many people I need to respond to, and so many things to address... Thanks for the welcome Anoushka (you're looking at it from the wrong perspective; think of what it’s like to BE the new kid...) and John (dude, you really don’t carry a wallet? No wonder Bips carries such large bags!).

PC, I’ll be with you in a moment. So here’s the deal. I’m going to dedicate the last paragraph of each column to responding to mails, ok? Honestly, you have no idea how many there are each week. I can’t respond to all of them, but I PROMISE I'm reading them all.

So, PC. I offer an olive branch, and this is your counter-offer? To brainwash one of my brothers? You want us to send a representative to live in your camp? I know what your plan is. You'll surround him with pretty girls, take him with you while you go bikini shopping, and the next thing we know, he’s agreeing with everything you say! Not a chance. I can see right through your evil scheme, and let me tell you, I shall not allow such a sacrifice.

That is why I have decided to go myself. No, no, don’t try and stop me boys. This burden must be mine, and mine alone. Though I walk through the valley of the inner-wear department of Marks and Spencer, I shall fear no harm, for your thoughts protect me. It will be dangerous, no doubt.

There will be difficult questions, like “Do you think the paisley is flattering?”; and it is certain that at some point I will face the dreaded ‘Multi Task Challenge’... I might have to give an opinion on the bikini while simultaneously holding the Large Handbag, maintaining good posture and making lunch reservations on the phone, but I shall endure! For the greater good. And when I return (I like to think positive) it will be with the instruction manual promised by PC. I will be reproducing excerpts in this space, so stay alert men! I'm going in...

Ok, responses. Meenu, I’m really sorry about you and your friends not getting autographs. Earlier that day I signed about 200, after which more and more people started arriving there and disrupting the shoot. Hence, I was asked not to sign any more. Shalini, I have been to Portland. Will reply to your other questions soon.

Bubbles, please stop calling me Irfan. Neha, I did go to Holy Innocents... how you doing! Omkar, thank you so much; but I think you’re being over-generous. Sakshi, I’m sorry you’re upset, but you must understand that it takes a few days for me to get all the emails. And I have to deliver my column a few days before they print it. Akshay, I’m forwarding your mail to PC. She might hit you with the big bag. But thanks for appreciating my writing! And that’s it for this week.

PS. to all Star Wars fans. It was intentional.

First Published: Apr 20, 2009 20:23 IST