Freak answers to existential questions
Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do some people troll my blog? And who, just who, is Shruti Singh Bhatnagar? The Fake Jhunjhunwala tries to provide the answers to some of life's most perplexing questions...india Updated: Oct 05, 2011 17:22 IST
Q: Sometimes when I blog people troll me with unwanted moronic comments. What should I do?
A: You should find out where these people live and then go and kill them.
Q: Why did the Chicken cross the road?
A: Concerning yourself with the motives of poultry animals and other livestock as regards to their actions upon them encountering open cemented tar ways used for travel and transport will not help you. Focus on your career instead.
Q: I want to lose weight quickly, how do I do this?
A: Cut off your hands and legs . This will 100% cause you to drop a few kgs rightaway.
Q: What is an appropriate time in my life to buy a big plastic sheet?
A: You should buy a plastic sheet when you decide to lose weight and hence cut off your arms and legs. This will cause blood to fall all over the floor. Having a plastic sheet spread out makes cleaning easier.
Q: Who is Shruti Singh Bhatnagar?
A: I don't know. Go to Google and find out.
Q: Why do you read books when there is free TV around?
A: I like looking at page numbers.
Q: I'm an obnoxious little S***head who likes to sometimes dress like a two dollar whore. What is the right way to take advantage of this?
A: You should consider a career in Reality TV
Q: Does playing Angry Birds on my iPhone all the time make me a Bird Brain?
A: No, the iPhone was invented for the purpose of playing Angry Birds. Not playing it on your iPhone would make you a Bird Brain.
The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.
His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at http://www.rakeshjhunjhunwala.in/
He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at http://twitter.com/Jhunjhunwala
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First Published: Sep 21, 2011 15:57 IST