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Grinding from the Retard Factory

The Fake Jhunjhunwala wonders why is there a show on TV that plays like it is made for a bunch of Baboon monkeys.

india Updated: Sep 21, 2011 15:56 IST
Fake Jhunjhunwala
Fake Jhunjhunwala
Hindustan Times

As much as I love watching half naked women prance around in tiny apparel, I absolutely hate it when somebody tries to insult my intelligence.

For the past few months a phenomenon of mind slavery has been taking place on the television. Now I know its television, ensnaring your mind is part of the process but this is slavery of a highly advanced type; the sort that would require a freedom struggle type of intensity to escape from.

The Irony is that the mind enslavement process itself is so easy to execute.

OrangutanI'm talking about a particular TV show on a popular music television channel. A channel whose name I won't take but one whose identity can be known if you take a particular letter out of the English alphabet and then add 'TV' to it. Voila! Channel name derived.

The name of the show is something that rhymes with the words mind, find, bind and more words that end with -ind.

I've just been trying to understand what goes into making a show like this .A 'creative' meeting for the show would probably go something like this:

"Channel Head (CH): OK people, we need a new idea for a bindaas, super duper , Jhakaas, amazing, TRP grabbing TV show

Producer: Ooh, Ooh! I know, I know. Let's take some women...

CH: WOW, I am liking this already! Continue

Producer: So we take some women. Like really sexy, thin, hot ones and we dress them in really skimpy clothes. Really Really skimpy. So skimpy it makes Rakhi Sawant look like Lata Mangeshkar.

CH: Excellent!!! This is called creative thinking. What an awesome idea but wait we don't want people to accuse us of being sexist or unilateral so we will show a few men also. The ratio of women to men will be 99:1

Producer: You are great Sirji ! Even I was thinking the same thing. Next we will take the hot scantily clad women and the there-for-the-sake-of-being-there-men and play super raap chik remixes of Hindi film songs

And then


Make them dance to the songs and not just any dance!! Sexy dance to it!!

CH: Whoa!! That is revolutionary television programming! Awesome! Mindblowing! OMG!

Producer: And it's really easy. All we need are hot women in tiny clothes just moving their bodies.

CH: Yes and We have dozens of remix songs anyway so all we have to do is play different songs over the same dance each episode and the audience won't even realize they are watching the same dance over and over again with a different song playing in the background!!!!!

So we won't even have to come up with new material! Production cost victory FTW!

Producer: But Sirji, we might need to explain why these people are dancing so much in the first place. It is not like a Hindi film, there must be a reason no? Shall we say it is somebody's birthday? And that is why they are all wearing little clothes and dancing?

CH: No Yaar, this show is for our target audience i.e. h***y young people and young people like to dance without reason. Apni Toh Paathshala,Masti Ki Paathshala! Lose Control!!

Producer: Excellent Sirji! We will just say these people are partying! Party!!!!

No one will ever know that these women are just dancing so that every few minutes we can put ads in and make s**tloads of money. Advertisers will anyway sign up because everyone likes to watch hot babes showing off skin!

But what if someone opposes the fact that these women are dancing only for the sake of titillating viewers and holding their attention the way a rotating colored pinwheel holds the attention of a bunch of Baboon monkeys?

CH: Arre simple Yaar!! We will just say things like "Freedom of speech and expression" and stuff like that.

Producer: Whaa! That is genius Sirji!!! This is why you are Channel Head and I am only a producer Sirji!


The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at

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First Published: Sep 14, 2011 13:41 IST