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Home truths about marriage, fidelity
SHOBHAA DE is a mother of six, five of them of marriageable age and not one willing to marry! And this reluctance of the young to get married is probably what gave birth to De?s phenomenal bestseller (as Ravi Singh, publisher and editor-in-chief of Penguin Books India described it), Spouse?the truth about marriage?.Truths that are available in Hindi too perhaps to tell youths the reasons for marrying or for that matter to keep away from it!
SHOBHAA DE is a mother of six, five of them of marriageable age and not one willing to marry! And this reluctance of the young to get married is probably what gave birth to De’s phenomenal bestseller (as Ravi Singh, publisher and editor-in-chief of Penguin Books India described it), Spouse—the truth about marriage….Truths that are available in Hindi too perhaps to tell youths the reasons for marrying or for that matter to keep away from it!
On Saturday evening at Crystal Hall of Taj, De shared anecdotes (contained in her book) from her marriage as well as of others. Spouse is an interesting book for it begins with De talking about whether honesty is the best policy in a marriage!
While conventionally, the answer would be yes, De differs. In her chapter ‘White lies—Jhooth bole kauva kaate’ she says, “Friends often ask me whether 100 per cent honesty is possible in a marriage, even the best, most trusting one? My answer is ‘no’ and to that I would like to add a footnote: Is it even necessary!
She adds, “Countless women friends now lament the moment they felt they had to come clean and tell all. So many years later, their husbands still throw their past at them and resort to cheap name calling!”
She adds, “This despite the fact that the women may have led exemplary lives, post marriage.” Men, she says, are highly possessive by nature. It is difficult for them to accept that their wife may have had a relationship with another man in the same way—even if it was years ago. A wise woman should place her cards on the table just once and then make no further references to her past. The same rule applies to a wise man—but how many wise men are there!”
In another chapter on ‘Spelling it Out’, she says, “Husbands sometimes lament that they are unable to keep up with a spoilt wife’s constant demands. Wives claim that husbands ask for too much and give very little in return. Husbands say that wives expect them to be expert mind readers. First, they don’t open their mouths and say what they actually want. And then they pick a fight for not getting it. The peeved husbands definitely have a valid point there.”
She adds in another chapter: “Don’t fool yourselves that you are hanging on for the sake of the children. Most people hang on for their own sakes. Kids are convenient alibis. If you really care for their feelings, you will either change the situation or walk out. I recommend the latter!” The august gathering at Taj was impressed by Spouse at the book reading session held in presence of De.
There were people like Meira and Muzaffar Ali who felt that the book was a must-have for one and all. So, did many others in the audience. Chander Prakash of Universal Booksellers at Hazratganj wasn’t complaining either. He was beaming. The Hindi edition too promises to be a best seller!
