New Rules For Employment:
Sickness leave: We will not accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. We hired you intact. To have something removed, constitutes a breach of employment.
Bereavement leave: There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave an hour early, provided your share of the work is done.