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Now, Guy Attraction Tactics!

Ever since my article entitled 'Mars or No Mars, Men will be Men', got posted on Hindustan Times website, I can smell wrath! writes Shagun Dayal.

india Updated: Oct 07, 2005 12:01 IST

Ever since my article entitled 'Mars or No Mars, Men will be Men', got posted on the website, I can smell wrath! Yes, my male compeers, whom I addressed as 'loveable office pests' (with the most benign intent) have declared war on me.

I could gauge that something was amiss when the 'I'll-be-there-for-you' men started drifting away. Hello, I break the ice in office, warmly, and all I get in return is a smile, as fake as the 50 buck out-of-shape tees hanging at Janpath kiosks!

Just in case anybody has got any wrong ideas, let me clear the air. I am certainly no man-hater. In fact I admire them in a variety of shapes and sizes. So here I pay an ode to the opposite sex while attempting to laugh at my own ilk.

If men are guilty of employing Girl Attraction Tactics, there's another kind of GAT that afflicts women. That beautiful dame from my days at the advertising agency, for example. There she was, unashamedly slurping the client's cola after the model who had been hired for the campaign, failed to turn up.

Keep away all ye Men, I wanted to scream. This lady was suffering from GAT (Guy Attraction Tactics) syndrome, and who knows, somebody could actually fall for it. Her auburn tresses falling on a slender neck, was a moment of admiration. Her eyes seemed Almighty's perfect cocktail of lime green and amber grey. I gasped and sulked, and unconsciously fished out a hand-mirror from my bag. But before I could moan about my under-eye darker-by-each-passing-day circles, I was besotted again.

Her advanced-white complexion filled me with suspicion that my milkman was adulterating bigtime. Her hourglass frame, manicured hands, and a smile that seemed factory-fresh, made me want to crawl inside a hole and die.

Miss Perfect 10 took 28 shots for the final okay. It was a print campaign and I couldn't contain my eagerness to marvel at her pictures. But, as I was the girl Friday of the agency, I was asked to escort her to her green room. And horror of horrors, here I discovered the beast that was hidden behind the beauty.

Off came layers of make-up and what lay beneath was tanned, cracked skin dotted with acne. Never mind, I told myself while trying to cope with the shock, she had other attributes that I lacked completely. Or did she? Madame pulled off her long, flowing tresses with a flourish and a shriek died in my throat. There was nothing but a few inches of frizzy crop poking out from the wilderness of her scalp.

Ouch! It hurt. Out popped something from her eye sockets. I dreaded it was just another cosmetic hoax, and I was right. The lime-green-amber-grey pools of divine beauty were back in the contact lens case where they belonged. Hey, it was fine, I consoled myself. Even I used lenses. So what? At least her long, shiny nails were so much better than my chipped ones.

Did she have to drink cartons of soyamilk to make them grow so fine, I politely asked. She fluttered her eyelids and said, "Haven't you heard about nail extensions? Got them done in Los Angeles. They are guaranteed for the next eight months." So much for the perfect claws.

But I wasn't going to give up so easily. Her body had enough dangerous curves to send any man hurtling to his death and I wanted to know how she had got it. "Simple really. I smoke like a chimney and that kills my appetite. I also do weights in the gym for 3 hours each day," she replied nonchalantly.

Thank God there was no nerve-wrecking beauty regime I had been tempted to follow. I led a breezy life and what's more, looked a great deal better than what she did in her natural state. And before she could undo her dentures, I gleefully resumed my other duties.

So there you are Men. Some Women have disposition flaws too. If you have some common traits, then so do we. And what better than this - we both know, we complement each other!

First Published: Sep 29, 2005 17:42 IST