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Why Men Redo "I Do"?

Divorced men are frequently lunging out to embrace somebody to nurse their burnt fingers. Widowers too find solace in walking the aisle again, explores Shagun Dayal.

india Updated: Jan 04, 2006 19:59 IST
Shagun Dayal
Shagun Dayal

Once bitten twice shy? I guess not anymore. Divorced men are frequently lunging out to embrace somebody to nurse their burnt fingers. Widowers too find solace in walking the aisle again. If we look around and scrutinize we'll see that Indian men are remarrying faster than it usually takes to mend a broken heart.

Not eons ago the tag of a divorcee was eyebrow raising, next widower status aroused sympathies. But now it seems the Indian social fabric has gradually begun to assimilate such men who take unconventional decisions like bidding adieu to an alliance and forming another one.

An alliance goes sour. Well, even before the kith and kin grieve over their star-crossed life, they exchange the eternal vows beneath the sacred stars, anew! Why is it that they take the plunge even before completely disposing off their first wedding album and stained glass paintings? Like my colleague feels that it's just these paintings, his wife's hand-picked ornate drawer chest, that pink photo-frame, hand-woven croatia table spread, bindis dotting the bathroom mirror and her overbearing haunting presence that drove him crazy. Within months he found himself another divorcee to mollify his heartache.

Recently, Aamir Khan married his sweetheart Kiran Rao after being married for a whopping 16 years. His first wife, Reena, had fled in 1986 to be with her Muslim boyfriend and a Bollywood actor in the making. The alliance fizzled out and Aamir met his new flame at the sets of Lagaan.

Do men actually marry again because they fall in love all over again? And why is it that they actually fall in love and not rise? The answer is as debatable as the chicken-came-first-or-egg tale. But most men agree that the entry of a new companion leads to divorces and rewriting of life on a fresh slate.

Researches reveal that in some cases like death of the spouse; men either start packing on pounds or the body mass gets a dip. Depression sinks in and the man just stays aloof and broods silently. In such cases the extended family exerts pressure to remarry. A traditional man also wants to lean onto somebody who cooks, rears kids and strengthen the filial bonds. He may be overtly depressed by losing his better half but the feasibility factor of marrying again effaces his matrimonial memories.

I feel a man's remarriage prospects are also directly proportionate to his financial footing in society. My widower uncle who at the ripe age of 62 advertised for a 'companion needed' corroborated this information. His married children were engrossed in their respective families. Each night after inking a plum business deal he would come back home to bland food, neat pegs and glaring walls. He confesses it was his affluent and "no encumbrances" status that got him an ideal companion. She, though younger by a decade and a half, accompanies him on luxury cruises while making his business presentations.

But it isn't always an easy bet to find a suitable better half. There are several factors involved. Number of kids a man has, his (man in question) status - whether divorced or widower - are just some key pre-requisites for attracting a potential wife. Also, it's not fallacious to say that finances play a pivotal role in remarriage. In fact, in many cases that I know of women agree to exchange vows only after knowing the bank balance of the person!

Psychologists say that man being a social animal is a wider known fact. But the sole company of his friends does not suffice. His life doesn't attain a full circle if he doesn't have a better half to lean onto. His woman neutralizes his desires, aspirations, angst and happiness - all.

The reasons could be varied but tying the nuptial knot afresh is indeed the call of the day.

First Published: Jan 04, 2006 19:59 IST