How to politely refuse an online challenge

Wear a sari, post a black-and-white photo, take a poll, fill in the blanks… what if you don’t want to?

First, thank your nominator

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The friends and family who tag you in online challenges, asking you to join in what they’re doing, are merely signifying that you’re part of the team. Not everyone is aware that you’re bombarded with such requests. Exercise a little patience. “Most social connections are online at the moment,” points out Pria Warrick, a psychologist who runs the eponymous etiquette academy. “Saying no doesn’t come easily in our culture, and this extends to online relationships too.”

Check what’s being asked of you

Online challenges – posting a black-and-white selfie, holding still like a mannequin, sharing your travel wishlist – may seem annoying. They succeed because they’re too trivial to rally against. If a challenge doesn’t interest you, “remember that you don’t have to give in to peer pressure,” says Warrick. She finds that young people and women find it particularly hard to say no. So prepare to do more than just bluntly refuse.

If you can, stall

That Indian inability to say no? Turn it on its head. “Delay your participation by responding with ‘Sure, let me see’ or ‘I’ll try to find the time, the image, the list’,” Warrick suggests. You might be prompted again, and you can pretend you’d forgotten. More likely, the challenge will run its course and your nominator will forget.

Offer an alternative

Been tagged to post a picture of your empty plate to raise awareness for world hunger? That seems trite and unhelpful to us too. “People with ‘I want’ requests rarely consider the ‘I give’ option,” says Warrick. Ask your nominator if they’d go 50-50 to contribute money or supplies to a charity instead. Most friends don’t want to go that far and will leave you alone. The ones who do will join you in actually doing something. It’s win-win.

Try to meet them halfway

Much of the aversion to online challenges comes from not wanting to turn the personal into the public. If your friends have tagged you to share childhood pictures on Instagram and you’d rather not, tell them you’ll share them in DMs or on a closed network instead. “Falling in line is not proof of love,” says Warrick. “Don’t let your relationships come at the cost of your privacy or your freedom to choose.”

Think of why you were asked

Warrick says that a friend who wants you to share old photos, a selfie, an activity or a list probably has a great one to show off. “You might be roped in as a comparison,” she says. Call it out. Ask outright, “Isn’t this a bit corny?” or “Aren’t we over these lame challenges?” It might help other people in your circle to diplomatically push back too.