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That Feeling When by Nikhil Taneja: Confessions of an email addict
I recently came back to my city after a couple of weeks of travel, during which I got to use one of my favourite things on the planet: the vacation responder
I recently came back to my city after a couple of weeks of travel, during which I got to use one of my favourite things on the planet: the vacation responder. The vacation responder is a E-message that sends an automatic ‘out of office’ reply to anyone who tries to reach you when you don’t want to be reached, typically with passive aggressive flexes that indicate that you are, currently, in a far better place than the person who has emailed, and will respond when you want, not when the emailer wants (take that, losers!).
But, the joy of telling the world you aren’t going to be answering emails because your life is better than theirs at the moment, is only eclipsed by the greater joy of finding the treasury of emails that await you in your inbox on return. I mean, is it just me, or do you also get super excited and mega enthused when your inbox is lonely and lonesome and looking for their knight in three-day-old pajamas to rescue them?
E-validation?
I don’t know what it is about emails, but it’s only when I caught myself eagerly looking forward to answering them on the flight back from my travels, that I recognised that at least some part of my daily and weekly self-worth is tied to receiving and responding to them. I’ve always known about the deadly attraction of the social media notification that makes you feel needed and wanted and alive every time it pops up, but it’s only now that I’ve begun realising the hold that emails have on my mind and heart.
Let’s be honest, as a certain kind of millennial working professional, our lives are centred around the emails we get and send. Receiving emails give us a sense of purpose, sending emails give us a sense of accomplishment. Receiving emails give us unexpected dopamine shots, sending emails give us planned adrenaline releases. Receiving emails is a validation that we matter, sending emails is an affirmation that what we do matters. Emails have become such an essential part of our life and being that it begs the question, who are we outside of the emails that we get every day?
Meaningful reward
When I read up a little more about why emails make me so happy, and an empty inbox immediately make me sad, I found out about a psychological term called ‘operant conditioning’, which is basically the way that our mind learns things. In the case of an email, our minds have now been wired to believe that if we do something (eg. open our inboxes), we get something (eg. the reward that is email!).
It says much about what our lives have been reduced to, in the corporate drudgery of the universes we inhabit, that we have conditioned ourselves to seek pleasure out of receiving and answering emails! At the same time, to be super fair, there are far worse addictions to have (says the addict), hai na?
So maybe, instead of feeling guilty about deriving gratification from our inboxes, we become aware about how they affect our mood, and perhaps find more meaningful things to mail each other about, instead of mere updates about ongoing projects?
So who’s sending me a meaningful email about this column (and receiving responses, yay!)?
Nikhil Taneja is a writer, producer, storyteller, public speaker, feeler of feelings, men’s mental health advocate and co-founder of Yuvaa
That Feeling When is a fortnightly column that offers a relatable take on mental health and emotional well-being.
From HT Brunch, October 8, 2022
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