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The perfect rematch: Can Cupid strike again?
Love is short. Forgetting is long. Forgiving is hard. Here’s how to hit refresh and open up to love again
The crying’s done. Sleep comes easy again. Even the low-humming anger has passed. And the biggest move of all: You’ve unblocked your ex on social media and still haven’t stalked their Insta. You feel healed enough that grunting ‘ugh’ isn’t your only response to meeting someone new.
Rani got over her heartbreak in Queen (2013) by enjoying her honeymoon solo and meeting a potential love interest in the end. But for most broken hearts, the mending is easy. Opening up again is the tough part. Ted Mosby did it, over and over, though nine seasons of How I Met Your Mother (2005-2014). In 50 First Dates (2004), Adam Sandler plays the OG optimist in love. He must woo his amnesiac girlfriend, played by Drew Barrymore, every single day.
Here’s how to take some of that Golden Retriever energy into 2024.
Clear the deck. Before contemplating a new relationship or even a second chance at an old one, take stock of the scars. Have you forgiven yourself and the ex? Do you know who you are as a single person? Would you want to date you? Take a solo trip if you need to get some distance from everyday routines and really examine your own choices and behaviours. “This is also a good way to meet people who have the same interests as you,” says Neerja Agarwal, psychologist and co-founder of Emoneeds.
Take it slow. People are always in a hurry to start a new relationship when it seems like it can work, says Agarwal. They forget things such as a basic background check. “Most people can’t fake things for longer than six or seven months,” says Mumbai-based relationship coach Jeevika Sharma. Check if the person you’ve met is easy to be around, emotionally mature, and equally communicative about their own goals and expectations. Don’t settle for relationships that don’t align with your own values, she adds. “Ask yourself if you like a person and want to stay with them for a long time. If the answer is yes, only then take a step forward.”
Be generous. Those who’ve lived through a heartbreak tend to be wary about opening up, sharing time, putting effort into a loving gesture. Make a conscious choice to reach out, without the expectation of a reward or reciprocation. If you cook a meal for them after they’ve had a hard day at work, don’t expect them to do the same. Attend events together, be it a book launch or a rave party. Pay attention to the other person’s interests and figure out if they are the things you enjoy or will be stuck with. And check on whether pleasing them makes you happy or anxious. New relationships come with new dynamics. Give it your best shot while you’re both settling in.
Be real. Those first few weeks of a new relationship feel heady because both partners bring their best selves for each other. Who wouldn’t enjoy an endless highlights Reel. But most partnerships fail because we reveal our true selves too late, when high expectations are already set. Be open about how you feel about your family, your commitment to work and social causes, how you value your time, and what makes you happy. It makes relationships richer and heartbreak (if it comes) easier. Rejection feels worse when they didn’t even see your bad side!
Do a recheck. “If it’s someone you’ve been with before, think about the sacrifices you both made to be with each other,” says Sharma. This will make you realise the value of the relationship and of your partner, and whether it’s worth it all over again. “Little things such as getting free early from work, not being on the phone when you are with each other, are the basics,” says Sharma.
