Gushing over grand gestures on dates? Dating coach reveals if you are being lovebombed

Lovebombing on surface may be lovey-dovey but it leaves you more confused than ever. Find out the real, healthy pacing you should have in dating.

With dating turning to a digital-first landscape, algorithms taking precedence over meet-cutes, and a wide array of right-swiped options to fall back on, casual, non-committed dating style typically dominates the early days of dating culture. So, even when an iota of expressive emotion is shown, it swoons and wins over affection-starved people. But don't be fooled, as many turn a blind eye to the toxic behaviour of love bombing, which involves showing excessive affection with grand gestures, often with the underlying motive of influencing a person. Lovebombing is overwhelming as the person fails to see the discomfort.

Kelsey Wonderlin, dating coach took to Instagram to share what love bombing looks like in dates and what kind of pacing dates should ideally have.

Date 1

Even if you have chatted for hours and days online, the first date is when things get real, a kind of take-off for your relationship. From first impressions to compatibility, the first date sets the wheels in motion. It's vital to keep an eye out for what's healthy affection and what's forced.

Kelsey shared:

Lovebombing:

• Tells where he's taking you instead of asking.
• Insists on picking up.
• Talks about himself a lot

Healthy pace:

• Mutually agree on the meeting place.
• Arrive separately
• Exchange compliments and talk about a range of topics like core values, interests and ambitions.

Date 2

The second date is testing the waters, looking for deeper chemistry. But it's still one of the initial phases. The second date is a kind of follow-up on the first date to see how things may go. The second date is not as serious but love bombers begins to see it as ‘serious’ already.

Kelsey shared how to distinguish between healthy pacing and love bombing:

Lovebombing:

• Already ‘smitten’ with talks of finding ‘the one.’
• Wants to be in constant contact.

Healthy pacing:

• He says, “We're aligned on many core values and life goals, excited about where this could go.”
• Stay in touch but maintain your own lives.

Date 3

By date 3, you get to know each other well. (Shutterstock)

The third date happens only when both parties see potential in the spark, making it somewhat serious.

Kelsey shared the differences between lovebombing and healthy pacing on the third date:

Lovebombing:

• Invites over the weekend.

Feeling like you don't really know each other yet.

Healthy pacing:

• Plans for an all-day date hiking and picnic.

2 weeks after first date

2 weeks into the relationship things are early but is essentially a milestone, an exciting turning point. At this stage, people who are seeing each other usually decide if they wish to pursue any further. But love bombers have a different idea, quite figuratively bombing you with labels, leaving you bamboozled with how quickly they can definitely cement the relationship.

But Kelsey shared an important detail about lovebombing and healthy pacing here:

Lovebombing:

• Asks to be his girlfriend, despite sharing little about himself.

Healthy pacing:

• Shares deeper qualities he appreciates about you.
• Become exclusive after 1-3 months.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.