Relationship coach shares 5 reasons you shouldn't create more spark once it fades

Relationship coach Jeff Guenther advised couples that a fading spark is not a crisis but an opportunity to assess compatibility and strengthen their bond.

For many couples, maintaining that initial spark and excitement defines how their relationship is fairing. However, according to relationship coach Jeff Guenther, who is a licensed professional counsellor, it is okay not to create more spark in your relationship once it fades away.

5 reasons NOT to create more spark once it fades

In a recent post, the therapist shared 5 reasons why long-term couples should not create more spark once it fades. From long-term relationships thriving on steady companionship to enjoying things as they unfold in your relationship, check out the reasons he gave.

1. Deep, steady companionship

Per the relationship counsellor, the best relationships, the ones that actually last, aren't built on non-stop passion. They are built on ‘deep, steady companionship’. So, when the spark fades, it's not a crisis; it's an opportunity to strengthen the part of your relationship that will actually keep you together long-term.

2. Testing compatibility

When the infatuation fades, it gives you a window to test your compatibility. “When you're in the throes of infatuation, everything feels perfect, but is it actually? The loss of spark is your chance to take off those rose-tinted glasses and really assess compatibility. Shared values, emotional safety, and long-term goals. If those things aren't there, no amount of rekindling is going to fix it,” he explained.

3. You're not enjoying your relationship

When you are trying to force a spark back 25/7, it becomes exhausting. If you constantly chase the next big romantic thrill, you're not going to actually enjoy the relationship. “You're just trying to outrun its natural evolution,” Jeff explained.

4. Give your relationship space

“Sparks fade. It comes back. It fades again. That's the cycle. Thinking the relationship is doomed every time the chemistry dips is like thinking the ocean is broken because the tide went out. Give it space. It could return in natural ways you don't expect,” the relationship coach explained.

5. Absence of spark isn't a failure

“It's the whole 'you can't appreciate warmth without knowing cold' and 'you can't appreciate light without darkness' thing, and you can't appreciate passion without periods of calm,” Jeff explained. He added that the absence of a spark isn't a failure, and so it makes those ‘hot’ and ‘important’ moments actually mean something when they happen.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.