
And the rest isn’t history
Jodhaa Akbar
Cast: Hrithik Roshan, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Sonu Sood, Poonam Sinha
Direction: Ashutosh Gowariker
Rating: **
Dig this. No eat meat on Monday, so the royal Rajput bride serves technicolour gattas, navratanpillauf and cabbage kofta curries. Emperor loves. Hey, now every Monday is firmed as an eggless, chickenless day. There’s no allusion at all to the Rajput partiality to red meat (laal maas). After all, it’s so cool to go veggie. Veal, well, veal.
Please, what is Ashutosh Gowariker’s Jodhaa Akbar trying to serve anyway? A romance dopiaza? Mughlai history biryani? Secularism sushi? Chandeliers-e-Azam? Battle Stroganoff? Absolutely no answers to that, except that you’re as disappointed as a guest who came away without a morsel from a wedding banquet. Sad.
As you know, the romance is between Shahenshah Akbar (from the look of things here, a bachelor at 30) and Jodhaaji (not exactly in the prime of her youth either). She is coerced into a marriage with the Mughal but won’t allow him his conjugal rights till she feels up to it from her ‘dil’. Frowns she like Kill Bill.
Till that belated Dil-Day occurs, they sword fence, she a crouching dragonette, he a patient tiger. Never mind, if her swashbuckling skills aren’t ever re-employed by the script. Misunderstandings and a patch-up later, the regal couple at last share common pillows-`n’-quilt. Takliya really.
Secularism is conveyed through such gestures as Akbar allowing Jodhaa her own temple space and approval of A R Rahman-composed bhajans. No mention of the emperor’s foundation of the all-religion-embracing Din-e-Ilahi faith. Moreover, how relevant is it to address the issue of Hindu tolerance of the minority today, instead of vice versa?
Sufism is touched upon by a clap-a-hand-here-clap-a-hand-there qawwali in the course of which the emperor is zapped by a sky light, causing him to break into a jolly jig with the qawwals. Unintentionally funny. Did Akbar ever boogie woogie?
For a tribute to Mughal-e-Azam, a fluttering palace eunuch is recalled and durbar cliches abound like “Hukam ki taamil ho.” Inevitably, flighty handmaidens clasp secrets to their bosom, eavesdroppers lounge around at jharokas. And the venomous Nigar Sultana is supplanted by a diabolical daai, or Ila Arun, playing the role as if she were a harridan from Harry Potter.
The action set pieces – involving a rather senior citizen elephant and the Troy-like one-to-one combat finale -- are sound and fury amounting to nothing. Amitabh Bachchan’s voice-over commentary is stale. Kiran Deohan’s cinematography is conventional and Ballu Saluja’s editing is rather old-fashioned, what with the 1950s-style wipes. The length of three hours-20 minutes is a punishment.
On the plus side, Nitin Desai’s sets and plush pageantry are eye filling. So is the elaborate picturisation of the
Marhaba
song in the style of the drum-stacked
Chandralekha
of yore. Still, like it or not Gowariker – normally a fine, conscientious director – has miscalculated the technical logistics and emotional content of a period piece. Crucial detailing isn’t the virtue here. The child actors playing the eponymous pair have coal black eyes which magically turn cat light on adulthood.
Of the cast, Sonu Sood in a strongly written part fits the bill. But Hrithik Roshan is a major let down. His Urdu diction is laboured, his physical presence unequal to the role, and far too frequently he blinks his eyes like a neon sign gone out of order. The imperial gaze and carriage are conspicuous by their absence.
Relatively, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan is more convincing. She carries off difficult scenes with unexpected fluidity, her eyes conveying the pleasure as well as the pain of a woman oscillating between love and rancour.
Bottomline: Toss a coin, whether you want to buy a ticket for Jodhaa AkBORE.. or not.

Roohi star Janhvi tells why she didn't take inspiration from Sridevi’s ChaalBaaz
- Ahead of the release of Roohi, Janhvi Kapoor talked about why she did not use her mother Sridevi's ChaalBaaz as a reference point, facing criticism from a young age and her upcoming projects.

Abhinav on Salman siding with Rakhi after she pulled drawstring of his shorts
- Abhinav Shukla opened up on Rakhi Sawant's advances at him on Bigg Boss 14 and how he felt 'dejected' when host Salman Khan sided with her.

Rahul cooks special dish for 'lady love' Disha, he learnt the recipe from Aly
- In a new video, Rahul Vaidya revealed that he learnt how to make caramelised eggs from Aly Goni, knead dough from Jasmin Bhasin and even Rakhi Sawant taught him how to cook some dish.

Ileana D’Cruz: There are days when I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted

Fatima Sana Shaikh to star in Hindi remake of Tamil hit Aruvi

Shraddha Kapoor performs at cousin Priyaank Sharma's baarat, watch
- Videos of Shraddha Kapoor dancing at her cousin Priyaank Sharma's wedding in the Maldives are going viral on the internet.

Alia turns bride for ad, fans joke 'Ranbir wants to know that man's location'
- Alia Bhatt was seen in a bridal avatar in her new advertisement. Fans loved it and wished to see her get married in real life too. She is in a relationship with Ranbir Kapoor.

Anil jokes Jackie Shroff threatened to slap him 16-17 times for this reason
- Anil Kapoor joked that Jackie Shroff has threatened to slap him multiple times unless he confirms a film together. The two have starred in 12 films together, till date.

Kriti Sanon: Once you are in front of the camera, nothing matters, you have to forget everything

Rajniesh Duggall: It’s my time now and things are falling in place too

WandaVision finale: Fans feel betrayed after several fan theories proven wrong
- WandaVision premiered its ninth and final episode on Friday. While it was a satisfying end to Marvel Cinematic Universe's first Phase 4 project, fans feel betrayed over a revelation made.

Shehnaaz Gill reacts to acid attack threats, says she is gaining 'sympathy'
- Shehnaaz Gill said that she was not affected by the acid attack threats she got and the doctored videos made of her. She said that she is only gaining 'sympathy' in the process.

Mahhi Vij reacts to claims that she and Jay Bhanushali ‘abandoned’ foster kids
- Mahhi Vij, in a lengthy note, responded to accusations that she and Jay Bhanushali do not love their foster children Khushi and Rajveer as much as their biological daughter Tara.

Judas and the Black Messiah review: And the Oscar must go to Daniel Kaluuya
- Judas and the Black Messiah movie review: Daniel Kaluuya and Lakeith Stanfield deliver extraordinary performances in Shaka King's politically charged film, co-produced by Ryan Coogler.

Mika Singh says he is the ‘only forever bachelor’ after Salman Khan
- Mika Singh talked about marriage on Indian Pro Music League. He said that he is the ‘only forever bachelor’ after Salman Khan and wishes to keep his tag for some time.