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Tuesday, Aug 20, 2019

Breaking up and proposing are not two parts of the same coin

In this week’s column of Seriously Cyrus, Cyrus Broacha discusses proposing to your significant other, breaking up with them, office romances and more.

sex-and-relationships Updated: Jun 28, 2019 13:23 IST
Cyrus Broacha
Cyrus Broacha

I am a 19-year-old girl. I haven’t had a boyfriend yet. But why do we feel the urge to have a partner or a boyfriend? Is it really necessary? Please explain. — AD

AD, I haven’t had a boyfriend yet either. So maybe I’m not the right one to talk to. Regarding partners, let me be frank, I’ve had many of those. Oh, and in some cases, I’m still trying to dissolve the partnership. Actually, my best partnership was with my friend, Sankeit. We started our own library, by borrowing books from a real library. Then we didn’t return the books from a real library. So finally, Sankeit’s dad had to bail us out. And by borrowing his wallet while he slept, we made sure he helped us, and the partnership survived. So, in short, you don’t need to have a boyfriend or partner. It’s not compulsory. It’s not mandatory. It’s not forced on you by the Govt. of India. Or by N.A.T.O. or the U.N. Besides partnerships come with strings attached. Like father’s and their wallets. So please don’t force yourself into one. Surf the internet like everybody else na?

I am a 28-year-old man and I have been talking to a girl from my office for the past three to four months. I had a crush on her and recently she told me that she likes me, too. After that, it’s been just a few weeks and she confessed that she loves me. I seriously like her. But I think all this is going way too fast. How do I sort this with her? — KV

This is the same problem I had with my first Ferrari, Mr K.V. In fact, the Thai proverb written by Srichappan the Great explains this. Srichappan says “Sometimes car moves faster than man”. You may argue that cars should move faster than a man. But obviously, you’ve never heard of Bangkok traffic. (Just showing off KV as I’m writing this from Bangkok). See, you like the girl, it’s you who is losing the control. That’s the issue. I suggest two things, (a) Always drive your own car, and (b) Definitely slow it down. As you’ll get turned off the more control you lose. Be honest, tell her you wanna take baby steps. Besides babies, in any case, should be driving cars.

I am an 18-year-old boy and I am in love with my best friend. We have been friends since the beginning of our school. I want to confess to her but I fear if it could ruin our friendship. What should I do? — SG

The Incas had a saying which went “Don’t wear socks in the sand, you may sink”. Nobody knows what this meant. However, the Incas had a second saying, “Please leave a note if not at home”. Again this was way ahead of its time. Yet it’s their third saying which will explain everything, “Love and friendship are like rain and sunshine”. Basically one leads into another, but it doesn’t mean they can co-exist simultaneously. You may have moved to love, but she may be quite happy to exist at the friendship level. SG, you need to dig for more clues from her. Does she mark anniversaries? Does she want to go out alone with you? Do you catch her watching you? Is she clearly trying to impress you? Does she own a book on Inca Philosophy? Please don’t be a hurry, you know her well enough to source out more clues. Let her show her hand before you play a full deck.

I am a 26-year-old woman and I have been dating a guy for almost eight months now, but nothing seems to be working out. I want to break up but I don’t really know how to tell this to him and not be rude or hurt him. Please help. — PO

PO, there are so many books out there that help you both break up, and deal with breakups. “How to kill your Uncle, and get away with it” by North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un is hard top. I feel breaking up and proposing are not 2 parts of the same coin. In fact, they are coins of different denominations. Actually, different currencies altogether. Proposing is best in a subtle, covert operation. But, breaking up, in the long run, works better in a formal direct manner. Popular styles include (a) “Let’s break up”, (b) “I wanna break up with you”, (c) “Our Govt. is spying on us, so at this time I can’t carry on with this relationship. For break ups, you need clarity. No grey areas. So take your Vitamin C, (1000mg at least). Master up some courage, and read Kim Jong Un’s treatise on breaking up.

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First Published: Jun 28, 2019 13:22 IST

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