Keep these things in mind when you ask friends to mend your relationship
Does involving a third person to bridge the gap help?
As reported, it’s been a while since cricketer Virat Kohli and Bollywood actor Anushka Sharma called it quits. Post the break-up, Virat posted a picture on Instagram, with a caption that said, “Heartbroken.” Since then, the two celebrities have also unfollowed each other on social media.
However, according to a new report, the cricketer is now trying to win Anushka back. He has apparently initiated the reconciliation process, and is reaching out to the actor through her brother, Karnesh Sharma. According to relationship experts, many couples seek the mediation of a friend or relative in situations like these.
But does involving a third person to bridge the gap help? Relationship counsellor Geetaanjali Saxena feels that it’s better to seek an expert’s assistance. “If you want to get back in a relationship, you should approach a counsellor, as he or she would have the expertise to explain to you exactly what went wrong with your relationship,” says Saxena, adding, “But if you insist on taking help from a friend or family member, you should ensure that you explain all the aspects of your relationship to the person before the mediation process starts. If all the issues that led to the break-up are not discussed, it could backfire on you.”
Involving a third person may also jeopardise the bond they share with your ex. “Your ex may think that the mediator is biased towards you, and that the person is not respecting his or her decision to end the relationship. It’s possible that your ex may feel that the mediator is getting into his or her personal space,” says psychotherapist expert Neeta V Shetty.
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Right choice
On the other hand, there are several advantages of getting a relative or friend involved in the reconciliation process. “A friend or family member’s participation may be helpful, because it’s possible that your ex may be looking for a nudge or validation from someone he or she knows. The mediation process may also help estranged partners see their relationship from a third person’s perspective,” says Shetty.
However, choosing the right person to mediate is important. “The results of a patch-up attempt also depend on the bond your ex shares with the mediator. Some people are more receptive to friends than relatives. Also, if the mediator is a relative of your ex, his or her view may be biased towards your ex,” says Saxena.
Case study
In 2015, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years because he couldn’t give me time, even on Sundays. He is a marketing professional, and to meet his targets he would have client meetings even on Sundays. I had tried to sort out these issues, but it didn’t help, and I had called it quits. After the break-up he wanted to get back together. He would call me several times daily, and text me, but I refused to talk to him. Then, a month later, he got in touch with a common friend and my mother.
My mother liked him a lot, and wanted us to get married, before we broke up. After a lot of phone conversations, which included conference calls because I refused to meet him, we decided to meet up. My mother and my friend accompanied me. What surprised me at that meeting was that, in order to give time to me and to take the relationship to the next level if we patch up, he had decided to leave his well-paid job for my happiness. The four of us had several phone conversations after that, before I finally decided to reconcile with him two months later. We plan to get married later this year.
— Namita Sheth, 28, banker