Relationship advice: Don’t marry a man you have no faith in
Cyrus Broacha gives you advice on everything from relationships, dates, marriage and the kind of partner you should be with.Updated: Mar 14, 2019 11:55 IST
Hindustan Times, Delhi
I am a 26-year-old woman. I have was dating a guy in my office and we broke up recently. However, as I am seeing him on a daily basis, I’m not really able to move on. What should I do? - BS
BS, you must be thinking this whole idea of romance is B.S., er B.S. Eve D’silva, the Peruvian sculptor, had a similar experience. When her husband of 20 years left Eve for a younger woman. She sculpted his likeness and kept that Sculptor in her house. However, it was a very good likeness, and seeing it every day sent her into a depression. So she came up with a plan. She disfigured her own work of art. She removed an eye. Added extra fingers. Joined the eyebrows. Made one leg much shorter than the other. When she finished with it, her ‘masterpiece’ had become a ‘missing piece’. Or rather missing pieces.
Soon it became an object of ridicule, and people from all over visited her house to have a good laugh, and occasionally to use her toilet. Follow this philosophy, Eve. Focus on his negative points, his hair, how he digs his nose, the way he stumps on a chair, how he talks down to staff etc. If you are going to see him every day, highlight his bad pints. Everybody has bad points. Even a great humanitarian like Mother Theresa, was not known to be a great tipper. Go for the bad qualities, you’ll be surprised to learn how many there are.
I am a 34-year-old woman and I am a divorcee. I have been dating a guy for the last 6 months and I wanted to ask him if he plans to settle down with me. However, I’m a bit sceptical about this, as I fear he will stop talking to me. What should I do? - FA
FA, what an amazing story. Firstly, if you were recently divorced, are you sure wanna get married again? I think you are confusing marriage with an upset tummy. An upset tummy, a few pills, a couple of days, and you are fine. With a failed marriage you need much more time. Sometimes more than a week. Secondly, why would you marry a man you have no faith in?
I mean you really want to marry a man, who you believe will stop talking to you the moment you announce marriage plans? Maybe 6 months is too little time. I know a couple who waited 37 years to get married. And the marriage lasted only 4 days, as the wife found a younger man immediately after the marriage. I know this to be true, because I was the younger man. Hold back, FA, get to know him better, if you are so cynical about him, marriage is stupid. Of course, there is a whole group of people who anyway think marriage is stupid. But, that’s a story for another day.
I am a 25-year-old man and I am in a relationship for the last 2 years. However, I feel that we have lost that feeling in our relationship and are in it just for the sake of it. How should I approach her to see if we need to continue like this or should we just end it? - JT
The answer to your predicament lies in the year 1477 B.C. That was the year the ‘Balootha’ tribe discovered, honestly. Honesty did not exist in the world till then. In fact the first recorded moment of honesty, was recorded between two brothers of the Balootha tribe! The elder brother told the younger one that he smelt terrible. The younger man responded with even more honesty by killing his elder brother.
Then the entire Balootha tribe displayed collective honesty by holding their noses every time, the younger brother passed by, in public gatherings. Doubts are probably best quelled, by a heads up approach. Tell her exactly what you told me, maybe she too is longing for a way out, as well? By the way I’m a direct descendant of the ‘Balootha’, tribe. Also (an unknown), I derive my surname from this nomadic, tribe.
I am a 28-year-old man and I have been dating a senior in my office for the last 3 months. Things as of now are pretty smooth. However, I am a bit over possessive about her and she clearly doesn’t like it. How should I tone down? - NA
NA, you are breaking all protocol. You are on your way to a red alert. By the time you read this, your office would have declared a state of emergency. Most cooperates don’t encourage, inter office flings. Worse still you are dating a senior. This was poor thinking, by you, your love manager, the entire team of selectors, and even the B.C.C.I., itself. If you try to leave her, she can make your work life even more difficult. Silly choice, NA, silly choice! On top of all this you have the cheek to be, over possessive, about her? The words, mad, insane, career suicide all come to mind. Please put it in perspective, look at your work future. Now that you are stuck in it, please walk within the lines. You better keep her happy, or hope you inherit a fortune.
First Published: Mar 12, 2019 14:50 IST