Seriously Cyrus: The crush from college
Cyrus Broacha gives advice on relationships, dating and more.Updated: Jul 16, 2019 17:25 IST
I am a 23-year-old girl who has had a huge crush on a guy from college. Although I have never spoken to him and I don’t know if he knows about my existence, but I can’t seem to get over him, even though it’s been a year since college ended. How do I get over my obsession? Please help. — KS
KS, what the hell did you do in college? It’s like shopping in New York, after you’ve returned to Delhi. When in New York Shop in New York, when in London Shop in London, when in Yemen, er…..run. Okay please disregard. What I’ve written, we are starting again. Being in love with someone you don’t interact with, is like being in love with photograph. Of course after 27 years of marriage, many would prefer the photograph. Having squandered your college time, KS, you need a ruse to get him. Like maybe a friend needs admission to the college and would he have some influence. Let’s establish contact, see how he reacts. If he’s friendly enough you stay in touch, if not, don’t worry at least you got your graduation from college.
I am a 23-year-old and I have never been in a relationship till date. I was initially afraid to get into one and now, I am used to being single. Even if someone approaches me, I am not really sure of how to respond or reciprocate. I wanted to know if I’m heading right or is there something I need to do? — PS
The Japanese agriculturist Dr HATO TAMAHA, wrote a book on how relationships were very overrated. He had 7 failed relationships. From parents to his three wives. Finally, he found happiness with a potted plant. However, that lasted only 39 days, as the plant died after HATO overslept and forgot to water it. Being in relationships is great, but after being in one for a while, you yearn for freedom. This is called Human Nature. There is faulty winning in our ‘human nature’. This is maybe because God was having an off day, or something the chimpanzee’s passed on to our ancestors in the DNA. So whatever we have after some time, we want the opposite. This explains why after Spicy Bhel-Puri we want a nice ice-cream. So don’t be so gung ho on being in a relationship. It’s something that’s always good, bad and ugly.
I am an 18-year-old girl and I am in a relationship with a guy who is 12 years elder to me. The problem is that he wants to get married as soon as possible and I want to focus on my studies now. I have been trying to convince him for the past six months but nothing seems to work out. How do I sort this? — SK
SK, remember what the Poet Rumi wrote. ‘Force is not’ love. Force is mass multiplied by acceleration. Okay, maybe it wasn’t Rumi. He’s 30 looking to get married. You are eighteen and at this age you should look forward to only one thing. Becoming nineteen…… Then, twenty, and so on. Just because he’s older he shouldn’t be allowed to steam roll you. If you needed a bull dozer, it’s much cheaper to just rent one. Please don’t compromise on this one. It’s convenient for him, but totally inconvenient for you. Finally, tell him marriage is far, far away, for now. And unless he wants you to go for, far away he’d better think beyond himself.
I am a 27-year-old man and I have been dating a woman for the last two months. However, I want to get married but I am not really sure if asking my partner to settle with me so soon would be a good move. Should I wait it out or just pop the question? — RK
RK, first check the season discounts. This is of most importance. If you are getting 50% off on the wedding hall. A great deal from caterers, florists, set designers, valet parking, etc. A marriage based on sound financial deals is always a safe one. The other question is competition. Is she being chased by other franchises, (to use a cricketing term), it so then yes you need to raise the stakes and propose. Bu, the biggest question to ask is, is she the one? The one you don’t mind being embarrassed and awkward around. Someone you won’t hide your bank balance or nocturnal sounds from. The one who when you wake up in the morning with you’ll never ask, “What are you doing here”? If not, why the hurry?
First Published: Jul 16, 2019 12:00 IST