Seriously Cyrus: Why wait to have the marriage conversation?

Are you having relationship troubles? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems? From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.
Cyrus Broacha gives quirky tips on resolving relationship issues.(Unsplash)
Cyrus Broacha gives quirky tips on resolving relationship issues.(Unsplash)
Updated on Aug 26, 2019 11:48 AM IST
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Hindustan Times, Delhi | ByCyrus Broacha

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems?

Worry not. TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he’s got all the dating advice you’ll ever need from your first date to a commitment to even something that you can’t find a solution to.

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

I am a 34-year-old woman and I have been in a relationship for the last three years. However, he is still not so sure about taking this relationship to the next level and get married. What should I do? — KL

KL, let me begin by clarifying that there’s a good chance you are not KL Rahul, the cricketer? I base this on the slim chance, that you are a woman, and he is a man? You are saying he’s not willing to take it to the next level? I say treat marriage like anything else. For instance, waxing, cooking or showering. Just be matter of fact. Why wait to have the ‘marriage’ conversation? When you are in the shower, everything is done like clockwork. Clothes off, hot water, soap, shampoo, water off, towel, and the best part, leave the wet towel on the bed to upset your wife. (Speaking from experience of course). Pin him down. Make him spill the beans. Hear his reservations, and deal with them. But make him give you specific reasons. Maybe he just fears the concept of marriage, and just needs guidance, support, and a fat kick up his backside?

I am a 28-year-old man and I’m getting married soon. Things seem to be smooth between us but somewhere, I feel there is something missing when it comes to her trusting me. How do I get her to trust me so our married life is peaceful? — VK

‘Trust’ the five-letter word. It used to be a six-letter word, but only in Russian. VK, trust can’t be bought in a mall. I mean a trust can run a mall, but a mall can’t sell trust. I, myself, tried to create trust, by running over my wife’s foot with a car. The result was we both trusted the car after that experiment, but not so much each other. You have not mentioned, why you feel your wife-to-be does not trust you. Are you a flirt? Do you have a long-standing girlfriend? Do you borrow her under-garments for personal usage and never return them? If so, please return them. Not returning borrowed clothes can start wars between countries. For example, the 100 Years War between England and France. Which started because the French emperor refused to return a floppy hat he stole of the British monarch during the sleepover. VK, find the key issue that’s causing the mistrust please.

I’m a 25-year-old woman and recently broke up. We were dating for almost four years but things fell apart. I want to move on quickly but somehow I am not able to. Please help. —BN

BN, the Gothic witch doctor Hermann Hermann, (he had the same first and last name as his parents were extremely lazy), wrote a long thesis about love and breakups, it was called something in German. Sadly, he lost the thesis while doing some spring cleaning. However, some of his wisdom was passed down from Goth, to Goth, and then from Goth to Gaul. Hermann Hermann said a breakup is like a wound whose scab remains even after the wound starts healing. But that’s the real point. The healing has started. You are already dealing with the breakup. You already are on the path of redemption. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and let the natural process follow.

I am a 30-year-old man and I have been married for three years. However, things have not been that great and we keep fighting every second day. I want to know her issues and solve things, but she never tries to communicate. What should I do? —PL

PL, the answer to everything as usual belongs to the Portuguese Praying Mantis. Here it is noticed that after mating, the female praying mantis eats the male. Now all this is sort of the male’s fault. If only he communicated with the female after mating, this one-sided dinner thing could have been avoided. But, no the male is in a hurry to watch his cricket. Since, she is avoiding communication directly, use less direct methods. Text her your thoughts. You could even send her an email. This should get her to react. Even if she wants out, she need to open all channels of communication. And also send her a picture of a praying mantis.

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