A short guide to summer
Since the Grinch is not stealing the summer, here are five tips to get by. It’s summer. You can get away with wearing anything. The less, the better. Read on for more such tips.brunch Updated: Apr 15, 2012 13:36 IST
1. Lose weight
This should always be on the top of your list. Unless of course, you’re a skinny little thing. And if you are, you make us look bad, and that’s not nice. For those enveloped in fat, even if it is a little non-pregnant bump on your belly: lose it.
You can no longer deceive anyone with your winter masquerade. Nothing will make you look five kilos lighter in the summer. Also, thin people are taking over the world, so if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Summer kills the appetite. So, if it’s creamy or oily, hate it this season. Until next winter, which is far far away.
2. Have Sweaty sex
There is nothing sexy about an air-conditioner. You don’t need it to ‘do it’ in the heat. Sweaty sex is sex in its most primal form. It’s animalistic, it’s hot and it has a string of benefits: you burn more calories, your bodies will slither against each other and oh, those sweet salty kisses!
Besides, sweating cools your body down. After you’ve been consumed in steamy passion, the beads of perspiration will evaporate and you’ll be overcome by a cool, tingling sensation. Unlike winter, you have an excuse to avoid post-coital cuddling. You can conveniently roll over to your side of the bed, because it’s oh, so hot! This is the season to get it on.
3. Get a routine
You know how the days are much longer and the nights are shorter and the afternoons are hotter... Well, you can plan out your day accordingly.
4. Think about Global Warming
We hate to dampen your spirits on a bright summer’s day, but consider global warming when it’s staring you in the face, literally. The Earth’s average temperature has been increasing by 0.13-0.22 degree Celsius every decade since 1980. So, when the heat gets unbearable, blame it on the greenhouse effect. Make greener choices. Reuse, recycle, cut down your carbon footprint. When was the last time you planted a tree?
5. Head for water
Drink it, bathe in it, swim in it, do anything and everything with water. Have watery meals and cold soups. If you want to feel a little cooler, add a bit of lemon to it all. Squeeze some lemon in your water bottle, or your bath bucket. Scrub your bathroom with a lemon wedge, the zesty smell will lift your spirits, and every squirt of water will feel heavenly against your skin.
Even if you’re doing laundry, splash some water (not detergent) on yourself. Water makes working fun.
6. Get out, out, out
Don’t run up your electricity bill by staying in the house. Also, refer to point#4, cut down your carbon footprint. Go to an art gallery, a museum, the theatre, the movies or even the planetarium. You’ll not only become smarter and more cultured, but also less of a whiner. Remember: nobody likes the annoying person who constantly complains (about the weather, of all the things!)
Leave your house at the break of dawn, grab some friends or family and drive to the nearest holiday destination, just for the day. Eat, drink and be merry. Take your favourite music along, play some silly car games. Eat breakfast at a dhaba, go to a fancy resort for lunch and a swim, and drive back in the evening... just in time to crash. You don’t need a week at a spa to feel rejuvenated.
Or try this: Pour some vodka in a watermelon (cut a small piece for an opening). Pour as much vodka as the fruit can absorb. Then, place the wedge back on the melon and put it in the freezer.
Thirty minutes later, you’ll have a drunk fruit to take the edge off the heat. Eat by the chunk. So go ahead and enjoy this summer till it lasts.
8. Drink up
Chilled beer. Gallons of it. And colourful cocktails. Mix a little alcohol with a lot of juice and even more ice. The vitamins and minerals in the juice will not let the booze dehydrate you.
Or try this: Pour some vodka in a watermelon (cut a small piece for an opening). Place the wedge back and freeze the melon. Thirty minutes later, you’ll have a drunk fruit to take the edge off the heat.
9. Dress Hot
It’s summer. You can get away with wearing anything. The less, the better. Wear colourful shorts, sarongs, and sheer whites. Prance around the house in a coconut bikini, or in loud, lewd boxers.
10. Pretend it’s winter
If all else fails, lock yourself up in an AC room, pull out a thick razai, make yourself some hot chocolate and cuddle in bed with a book, your dog, a lover. Just block the summer out for as long as you can.
From HT Brunch, April 15
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First Published: Apr 14, 2012 16:50 IST