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Yes We Cannes!

Still scratching your head about why Bollywood goes to Cannes year after year? Of course The Fake Jhunjhunwala knows and he has decided to tell you!

brunch Updated: May 18, 2011 15:46 IST
Fake Jhunjhunwala
Fake Jhunjhunwala
Hindustan Times

I have always wondered why Bollywood parades itself at the Cannes Film Festival every year. Wait, during the course of asking this very question, my staggering intellect has gift wrapped the answer in the form of a brilliant realization.

And the realization is as follows:

Bollywood goes to Cannes because Cannes cannot come to Bollywood.

Since I arrived at this conclusion without asking you to SMS your answers to me and have thus saved each and every one of you a minimum of 5 rupees/ SMS, I hereby deserve a reward.

My reward shall be a minimum of 3 rupees out of the 5 bucks I saved all of you. This way you get to keep 2 rupees each which would allow you to buy 2 Chlormints which when consumed will permeate your mouth with minty freshness.

Now that I have spoken about Chlormint, SMS's and the money I saved you, let me get back to that which started all this in the first place viz the Cannes Film Festival.

I do not have a problem with Bollywood people going to Cannes. After all films like Lovestory 2050, Raavan, Guzaarish, RGV Ki Aag, Tees Maar Khan, Toonpur Ka Superhero and similar works of brilliant cinematic experience need to be shown to the Cannes Film Festival people.

What I however have an issue with is with the type of person representing Bollywood at Cannes. This year for instance the Bollywood ambassador is a certain Sonam Kapoor.

I don't want Sonam Kapoor plugging Bollywood at Cannes simply because she is a woman who VOLUNTARILY and I repeat VOLUNTARILYdances with a PIGEON on her head. I have seen her do it in the film Delhi 6 [Please note that the name of the film itself is Delhi 6. I don't want you to think that this is the 6th film of a film series titled 'Delhi' hence making Delhi 6 part 6.

Sonam Kapoor

Now I have seen actors do some pretty ridiculous things but this treatment of Pigeons by Sonam Kapoor is just ghastly horror. Pigeons are birds, they have a life of their own, they need to be flying in the sky, roaming God's multicolored earth freely and without fear of one day being captured and made to dance on Sonam Kapoor's head.

"Sonam Kapoor is the reason the Pigeon population of the world is reducing. There are Pigeons standing on the edges of tall buildings and committing suicide by jumping to their deaths because they don't want to live in a world where they and their kind are forced to dance on Sonam Kapoor's head.

"Ask yourself this simple question - If you were a Pigeon and you were forced to dance on Sonam Kapoor's head then how would you feel?

"This is why I don't like Sonam Kapoor representing India at Cannes because I want to live in a world of peace and love dammit! A world where humans and Pigeons can live without the fear of dancing over each other's heads.

A world where human beings and not only Pigeons but every single Avian, Reptile , Primate, Amphibian and Fish Species treat each other with respect and never ever dance on each others' heads.

Stop making Pigeons dance on Sonam Kapoor's Head. Yes We Cannes!

Sonam Kapoor

The Fake Jhunjhunwala is the parody writer of the popular blog 'The Secret Journal Of Rakesh Jhunjhunwala'. He likes counting money. He is a big fan of Samosas, Ice Cream, Pav Bhaji, Pizza, Garlic Bread and Beer.

His hobbies include playing Super Mario, Stalking Hot Babes and Watching B-Grade films to intensively investigate any censor board violations. He also watches Cricket and worships Sachin Tendulkar as much as he worships himself. Read more from him at

He can also be found on twitter usually ranting about Uday Chopra, The Universe and everything in between at

First Published: May 18, 2011 14:04 IST