Guest column: It makes sense to guard yourself against guilt

During childhood, feelings of guilt arise from innocent mistakes, but as we grow older our thoughts are governed by our intense desire to be the perfect partner, parent, sibling, son and daughter

We are living in a competitive world where people have to work for hours to make both ends meet. In some families, the earning members have to take up two or three jobs side by side to make enough for their sustenance.

Face negative feelings and try to resolve the problem. If it’s out of your control, forget about it and move on. (Shutterstock)

Along with this we have to look after the emotional needs of our family members too. Doing so can at times lead to increased anxiety levels resulting in outbursts, failure to control our emotions of hurt, pain, anger, which often overpower our natural temperament.

Then, certain emotions are transient and give way feelings of guilt for doing what we have done.

Guilt is an emotion and it triggers a sense of having done something wrong or having not done something right at the right time. It is an emotion everyone goes through. When I became a mother and had to leave my infant son at home and go to college, I was filled with a sense of guilt. Though he didn’t show signs of anxiety or anger as he played and waved me goodbye smilingly, yet I found it tough to reconcile with the guilt of not spending time with him.

Guilt is a natural emotion. In childhood we have all had our naughty moments when we voluntarily indulged in pranks. I used to change nameplates of our neighbours’ homes and plucked raw fruits from their trees. When aunties complained I used to be filled with a sense of guilt for having spoilt the fruits and for hurting people’s feelings.

Nobody likes the experience of guilt, but it is a part of being human and has its origins in making unintentional mistakes, causing involuntary hurt, anger, misconstrued trust and so on. However, guilt can make us feel sad, unhappy, powerless and worse.

Guilt is part and parcel of our life. During childhood, feelings of guilt arise from innocent mistakes and we tend to forget them quickly. But as we grow and thrive in a family our thoughts are governed by our intense desire to be the perfect partner, parent, sibling, son and daughter.

Despite all our efforts, there are times when we realise that we haven’t been able to live our lives the way we should have or failed to raise our children as we wished them to be. Often, we despair over not being professionally competent or over neglecting our hobbies and health.

Now, however, I feel the best way to deal with guilt is to accept reality, try to overcome it by finding a way to control those emotions, be comfortable, make peace with them. Most often our sense of guilt originates from some previous experience or memory and doesn’t have much to do with our present situation.

Once we realise that everybody makes mistakes, we take the first step towards transformation by forgiving ourselves, take a more rational view of a situation and manage emotional responses better. How truly it is said that though we might not be able to control external circumstances, we can control our emotional response to them.

Oscar Wilde rightly said, “I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them” So controlling emotions of guilt and emerging as a better human being with a positive spirit and moving ahead needs to be the mantra for overcoming guilt. What do you say?

ritukumar.gmn@gmail.com

The writer is a professor at MLN College, Yamunanagar