Of courtesy, currency, and cultural churnings

Spice of Life: The millennials have reinvented the culture of courtesy with a fair amount of common sense. Digital apps help youngsters staying, travelling or organising events together to split expenses without too much fuss

The most hilarious part of dining out with friends and family is the enthusiasm of the celebrants to foot the bill. Many a hand stretches out to quickly seize the piece of paper. The baffled bearer is forever a bemused spectator to this ‘comedy of bill grabbers’. At times it amounts to a virtual duel between guests before one crowns himself as the host and the others exhibit a shattering disappointment.

By keeping a track of, who owes who, how much, it helps in settling expenses squarely, saving time, effort and emotion. (Representative image)

Closely in tow is the genteel ‘pehle aap, pehle aap’ (PAPA) courtesy that food rituals entail. It starts right at the crockery/cutlery corner in case of buffet layouts. At sit down meals, platters and dishes are endlessly passed around the table with all hesitant to make the first dig into the delicacies. A single puffed up chappati could ride the merry-go-round of politeness forever and ever, delaying the breaking of bread at home get-togethers.

One can always extend this exuberance to the ‘shagun scheme’ in our culture. Be it a newborn, a newlywed or a first-time visitor, the shagun envelope mysteriously pops up at the departure gates. And then the ‘no-no’, ‘not-again’, ‘next-time maybe’ refusals start, which all concerned know, are meant to fall on deaf ears. Though far from what French philosopher Georges Bataille, refers to as ‘unconditional giving’ to community, akin to the bounty of the sun, celebrations not too long back were a joint venture. ‘Neonda’ (donations to marriage festivities) were the mainstay of weddings. It has now metamorphosed into the inverse; the fancy shagun envelope, or ‘the cheque’ as a friend calls it, has a lot to do with the social standing of the host.

The courtesy is mostly loaded with expectation and an understated ‘return it’ policy. It rests on the tenuous terrain of ego. The longer the delay in reciprocity, the more the resentment brews. Perhaps, the most generous of kings may have struggled to make gifting a one-way traffic.

Happily, the millennials have reinvented the culture of courtesy with a fair amount of common sense. Digital apps, such as ‘Splitwise’, help youngsters staying, travelling or organising events together to split expenses without too much fuss. By keeping a track of, who owes who, how much, it helps in settling expenses squarely, saving time, effort and emotion.

At times, one spots a waiter collecting a bunch of cards from youngsters dining on adjacent tables for equal splitting of the bill. More often you catch them just scanning with their mobile phones to electronically pay their ‘American share’. The youth have no time for ado. Hence, the ‘going Dutch’ dining etiquette now popular as TTMM (tu tera mein mera) has sorted and simplified payment issues.

In times of flux, the PAPA versus TTMM debate is a bit complex to be easily decided. As of now, we are in a hybrid mode, enjoying the best of both worlds. For some reason, the hilarious Stephan Leacock’s story, The Lost Dollar, is circling in my head. The honest narrator is visibly disturbed when his friend, Todd, forgets all about the dollar he borrowed from him to pay for a taxi ride. A single dollar is enough to cause comic misery in the relationship. The universal appeal of the story says a lot about men and money matters! manindersidhu7@gmail.com

The writer is professor of English, Government College for Girls, Chandigarh