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Random forays | Sanu ki? The doorway to true happiness
The most hardened of men, even those who never seem to smile, cannot help but feel elevated when appreciated for some well-done work or great deeds achieved.
It is a fact universally acknowledged that no one can remain totally impervious to the reactions or opinions of others. We almost constantly seek some form of validation from society, peers, colleagues, family and friends.
It is said the urge to be popular or famous is a desire that not even saints can entirely overcome in the human form. Thus, when praised to the skies, we tend to blush, even if we are hard-nosed or used to such things.
The most hardened of men, even those who never seem to smile, cannot help but feel elevated when appreciated for some well-done work or great deeds achieved. Appreciation, whether genuinely accorded or superficially , does tend to mellow even the toughest of souls. Sycophancy is popular and successful in many organisations precisely because it works! Bosses love praise and some become so accustomed to it that they wonder at times why they haven’t received any that day.
Mature individuals with a refined degree of emotional intelligence will, however, start seeing through false platitudes. They might even snub in public those who try to indulge in such “chaaploosi”.
But even the top-most executive or a peerless sportsperson will welcome and even seek a good word from a mentor or compatriot. Even outstanding athletes like Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps would have craved a pat on the back from their coaches or rivals after a memorable victory. The great Indian spinners of yore – Bishan Singh Bedi, Erapalli Prasanna, Bhagwat Subramanya Chandrasekhar and Srinivas Venkataraghavan– would run to each other for a hug on claiming a prized scalp. They realised just how much the appreciation of a fellow champion meant to them intrinsically.
Thus, even a renunciant in ochre clothes might go pink behind the ears when he hears words of praise after a well- delivered before a congregation. In fact, it is said that of all human desires, the urge for appreciation is the most tenacious one, and difficult to shrug off, even for a highly evolved spiritual person.
Youngsters and even older people are nowadays in need of social media-related validation. Instagram likes and comments matter to them more than pats on the back. No amount of applause from an audience will give them the sort of satiation that a thousand views on their videos will. Even a government official, who earlier used to crave for an appreciation letter, would probably be more delighted if a celebrity comments on his post.Stress and psychological lows are often the result of what is perceived to be an inadequate response to an announcement or a “post”.
According to Dr Karen Hall, validation is the “recognition and acceptance” of someone else’s experience. That someone else is you and me. But the people validating are also us. In fact, it is a cat and mouse game, in which the one seeking approbation himself becomes the ‘validator’ for everyone else.
Overcoming the need for approval and appreciation is no mean feat, but if one lives only for applause then life can become a prickly pathway.
To spend sleepless nights because one particular person did not acknowledge a message or praise an effort is a very human trait but need not be overdone. By being a little pragmatic and perhaps even thick skinned one can become more impervious to external opinions.
As a young cricketer, I would often worry about my coach’s views about my batting and whether he considered me to be above par or not. But over thinking on these lines became a bane and very often I would lose my wicket only because I was too focussed on what people thought about me.
Over the years, and with some spiritual inputs, one becomes more balanced and unaffected by people’s thought processes. One needs to be “more chilled out” on the whole, I guess.
“Sanu ki?” is clearly the key that opens the doorway to true happiness!
vivek.atray@gmail.com
