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Spice of life | When love leaches away life
When her son returned two hours after his angry outburst , she not only apologised, but also begged him to have dinner, to which she acquiesced after a million entreaties.
When my domestic help showed up for work the other day, I could tell something was weighing on her mind as she distractedly went through her chores for the day. On being prodded, she told me that her sons had upset her yet again the previous night.
The middle-aged woman has two sons, aged 20 and 18, who have been studying, or, more appropriately, failing in Class 12 for the last two years. Each year, she goes to their school and begs their teachers to allow them to continue in school for another year, so that they may at least pass the said grade. Though she and her husband, a small-time tailor, only earn around ₹15,000 a month, each year she buys her sons new uniforms, books, shoes and stationery, so that her children may get an education and rise above their circumstances, but to no avail.
Tearing up at the memory of the previous night, she told me that when she reached home after slogging throughout the day, she asked one of the boys to take the bicycle she rides to work each day to the mechanic as it had developed a snag, and promised to prepare a special meal for him in the meantime. The boy refused to go saying it was already dark.
Later, she narrated the incident to her husband, who chided the boy for refusing to help his mother despite being a grown man. Taking offence, the boy left the house in a fit of rage, banging the door behind him. The poor woman spent the next few hours in agitation, lest he harm himself. When he returned two hours later after a soiree with his friends, she not only apologised, but also begged him to have dinner, to which she acquiesced after a million entreaties.
This is not the first time such an incident has taken place. I have been counselling her to stop spoon feeding the boys for a long time. Each time she says, “Bus Bhabhi, ye saal aur. Baarvi kar le, phir kisi kaam per lagaoongi.” (Let them clear Class 12, then I will ask them to find a job.)”
In the meantime, she keeps running about, ignoring her health, hoping that her sons will someday support her when she is old and grey. She reminds me of another woman, who used to work for my parents. The diligent woman had two sons and requested my mother to get both of them admitted to the school where my mother was a lecturer. She would work herself to the bone to ensure her sons got the best. Until, one afternoon she suffered a massive cardiac arrest and died on the spot. What is the point of overworking oneself for those who do not value her sacrifice?
Relationships should be symbiotic where both parties respect and nurture each other. Relationships, where one person suffers for the sake of another, become parasitic and ultimately toxic. They suck the sap out of those who are sincere and non-resistant.
My house help, however, refuses to see reason. After all, she is burdened with a mother’s heart and in the wise words of the philosopher Blaise Pascal, “the heart has its reasons, which reason knows nothing of…”
sonrok15@gmail.com
The writer is an associate professor of English at SD College, Ambala Cantt.
