Developing social media resilience

We need to consistently reimagine our relationship with social media. More so in a month like December where there is so much free unstructured time. We need to work towards finding a relationship mindfully with social media where it serves our needs and at the same time allows us to take care of our mental wellbeing

A 35-year-old client tells me, “I have a love-hate relationship with social media. There are days where it brings a smile on my face and then on many days, it makes me feel terrible. December and holiday season is anyway triggering, a reminder of so many ways life didn’t fall in place. Being on social media worsens this feeling of emptiness and exacerbates my sadness. I’m so close to having a breakup with social media.”

Every time you pause, take a break between two tasks or are enjoying downtime, choose to avoid social media. (Getty Images)

For a lot of us, social media has taken the form of an itch. We resort to it, as soon as we get up, when we are in the company of loved ones and check it while we are watching a good movie or even having fun with friends. Given that it’s almost taken the form of a reflex like behavior, in the last three years, more and more clients talk about how it evokes feelings of sadness, loneliness and envy. During the festive season and particularly in December, clients talk about how their social media consumption directly correlates with how terrible and frustrated they feel.

My experience with clients has shown that, often when people feel lonely and anxious, they are likely to spend long duration of time on social media. It takes the form of binge consumption which leaves them wired, tired and unable to sleep. Clients often talk about how they feel empty after hours of consuming short format video content and by the time they stop, they have already spent more than an hour - sometimes three to four - on social media.

We need to consistently reimagine our relationship with social media. More so in a month like December where there is so much free unstructured time. We need to work towards finding a relationship mindfully with social media where it serves our needs and at the same time allows us to take care of our mental wellbeing. Every time you pause, take a break between two tasks or are enjoying downtime, choose to avoid social media. Clients tell me that it can feel extremely hard to do that, because every time they are bored, unable to focus and sometimes just waiting for a call or message, they find themselves scrolling social media.

Learn to sit still, observe your breathing pattern, or simply observe people and even if it seems like you are not optimizing your time enough, still control the itch to reach out for the phone and check social media. Even if it feels boring, manage the itch, and increase your window of tolerance.

Some clients tell me that holiday pictures, curated timelines about food or a luxurious lifestyle often bring discomfort and evoke a feeling of incompetence. The aforementioned client tells me every time she looks at a colleague’s social media, filled with posts of workouts, hosting or family time, she feels inefficient and almost bitter about her own life. This is a feeling many people experience. We allow ourselves to be consumed by the illusion that social media creates, which we often confuse as a full picture and believe that others have it easy.

If you feel overwhelmed, constantly uncomfortable with a friend or family member’s social media, it’s completely okay to mute them for some days to begin with and you can reexamine this decision few days later. Holiday season is a good time to pause, reflect and if a social media detox is what you think will allow that, go ahead with that. Every month, for a few days, I don’t consume any video content on social media or otherwise and it rejuvenates me. Suddenly the brain feels less overwhelmed, exhausted, and so much sharper. The best gift we can give our loved ones is attentive presence. If social media is coming in its way, then December is a good time to repurpose your relationship with it.