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The King’s speech

Our young people are unable to get in good colleges in spite of getting cent per cent marks, because of the high capitation fees. Manas Chakravarty writes.

columns Updated: Aug 05, 2012 00:36 IST
Manas Chakravarty
Manas Chakravarty
Hindustan Times
Manas Chakravarty,loose canon,capitation fees

India contributes bulk of new words to English: Joanna Turnbull, Managing Editor, Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary— ET, July 30

Twenty years later in London, this is the speech the British king will make:
Dear brothers, sisters, uncle-jis, aunty-jis and respected elders,
These are difficult times. The law and order situation is not good and goondas and other rowdy elements have been creating a lot of hungama. Not a week goes by without a bandh. Rasta-rokos and rail-rokos are common. On several occasions the police have had to resort to lathicharges. And this tamasha is happening not just here in London but also in the mofussil areas. Even bhadralok are nowadays taking part in this nonsense.
The economy is going down the nullah. Loadshedding is rampant. It is affecting all classes of society. Even we in the royal family have been affected, with my cousin sister, I will not tell you her good name to respect her privacy, trying to sell her benami bungalow at her native place. It is a very exclusive property, sea-facing, only genuine buyers may contact, brokers excuse. My co-brother was telling me that he had never seen such tough times, although he had a love marriage with a girl from a very rich high status family, convent-educated. Of course, he did not marry for money, what attracted him was her wheatish complexion. But my point is that even they have lost crores of pounds in the economic recession and are now subsisting on curd rice, bidis and cutting chai, although she is carrying.
Our young people are unable to get into good colleges in spite of getting cent per cent marks, because of the high capitation fees. There are no job opportunities, so they just do timepass and chitchat and waste their time consuming alcohol and discoing and doing jhatkas and matkas to item numbers. They only want to act like heroes or heroines in masala films. The other day I was talking to a young person, an innocent divorcee who is somehow getting along by doing all kinds of jugaad and she told me how the social fabric of our great nation has deteriorated. Eve-teasing is going on all the time, roadside Romeos pass non-veg jokes and there is a lot of immoral traffic. She said the havildars only collect hafta. And the babus are of course completely useless, no?
You will be pleased to know that all these problems are the result of the policy paralysis of our earlier pseudo-secular government, 420 people who only cared about their vote bank. Thankfully, the former prime minister has taken sanyas. Now that we have a new government, that too headed by an eminent foreign-returned double post-graduate who has airdashed to London to take up his post, you need not take any tension.
My new government will ensure that the days of Aya Rams and Gaya Rams are over and we will do solid work to improve things. A lot of reforms are on the anvil and we will do our best to prepone them. Of course, there will be no big bang announcements, it is best to do these things slowly, from the backside. The improvement may take some time, so kindly adjust. We also propose to change the vaastu of the Parliament building immediately.
So it is time, my friends, to once again enjoy life and be bindaas.
I now announce the opening of the new Parliament session.
Jai Britain.
Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint
Views expressed by the author are personal

First Published: Aug 05, 2012 00:30 IST