‘I thought it was over, it’s the end of the world'

Jemimah Rodrigues doesn’t deny being dropped from the World Cup squad stings but says she will come back better than before

Jemimah Rodrigues has been spending the last few days reuniting with one of her childhood sports, playing a local rink hockey tournament here with a smile on her face. Months ago, that face had tears rolling down.

Jemimah Rodrigues (BCCI/Twitter)

It’s been a rough 12 months with patches of spark for the young Indian batter. She scored 22 runs in five ODIs last year and was sidelined from the XI in the England tour in July even for the T20Is. Rodrigues picked herself up in The Hundred, finishing as the second-highest run-getter (249 in 7 innings) and carrying the form into the Women's Big Bash League (WBBL) later in the year. She watched India's historic pink-ball Test against Australia from the bench, and scored 79 in the three T20Is against the hosts.

Last month, the 21-year-old—who sprang into the international scene in 2018—did not find a spot in India’s squad for the ODI World Cup.

In this conversation with HT, Rodrigues opens up about hitting rock bottom in England, battling thoughts of giving up the sport, finding inspiration in Virat Kohli’s rise after his struggles in 2014 and bouncing back stronger from the World Cup omission “sting”. Excerpts:

It was a hectic second half of 2021 for you...

Yes, six months away from home, with a lot of quarantine and stuff, it gets tough and very draining. After the WBBL, I took a break and went for a short vacation with my family to Dubai. I then got back to work: playing a lot of practice games with the boys and a bit of hockey with my school friends. There was a tournament coming up, they asked me and I said, “OK, I’ll play. I’m here, I’m free and I love hockey”.

How has that been? It must be long since you played competitive hockey…

The happiness that I felt after taking the stick in my hand, just dribbling a bit and meeting my old hockey friends was really refreshing. I’m so glad I got the time to do this and have some fun.

You had a fruitful The Hundred and WBBL after the tough series against South Africa at home and the England tour. What turned it around?

Before The Hundred and the WBBL, I wasn’t having a good patch. As a person, it does affect me a lot, because I want to do well every time I’m on the field. I was at a very low phase at that time. Low on confidence, didn’t have a lot of self-esteem. I cried a lot—not in front of everyone—but in the room. I thought it was over, it’s the end of the world for me and things are not going to work out.

But during that time in England, I read one of Virat Kohli’s interviews of his 2014 (England) series. He said he didn’t feel like waking up, felt very low on confidence. I could relate so much. So I was like, “OK, if a batter like Virat Kohli can feel like that way, I can too. There’s nothing wrong in feeling this way”. And he said this one thing that—I think it was something that changed for me—he didn’t go out there to prove anything to anyone. He just went out there to play cricket and enjoy it. You come to a certain point where everyone’s talking about you and criticising you, and you want to prove them wrong.

Just before the first game of The Hundred, I was under a lot of pressure. I didn’t sleep well the previous night and even on match day I was very anxious. But I told myself, “See Jemimah, anyway no one has any expectations from you right now. So why not go out there and enjoy? Not to prove who you are to anyone, but just express yourself.” And things worked out pretty well (Jemimah scored a match-winning 92* off 43 balls for her team Northern Superchargers against Welsh Fire). I got that form back. It boosted me, gave me a lot of confidence for the WBBL and the Australia T20Is.

How challenging was that low phase prior to that?

There was a lot of doubt, a lot of insecurity. That has been my biggest challenge. At times, I end up putting a lot of pressure on myself: that I have to show that this is the kind of batter I am. But the greatest learning from this time is that whatever happens, I never want to lose that joy of playing cricket. Like the joy I felt the first time I picked up the bat and played a shot, I don’t want to ever lose that. Ups and downs will come; you’ll be in the best of form and then the worst of form. But if I’ve seen the greatest change in me since I started playing international cricket, it would be this time, these failures. It has changed me as a cricketer. I started working harder on a lot of things: my range of shots, my mindset, how I need to go about my game. But it has mainly changed me as a person—in the way I look at life in general, the way I treat people.

Cricket teaches you a lot about life too. But what I’m learning—I've not got there yet—is how to enjoy success and failures. In the end, you’ve got to keep moving forward, because something better is always around the corner. It was so challenging last year: in and out of the team, not performing, not scoring, rock bottom. To rise up from there and score again. And during that phase when things weren’t going my way, there were so many thoughts that came in my mind: like why am I even playing cricket? I don’t want to play. I want to quit. But after that first game of The Hundred, I was thinking, “Thank God I did not quit, because I wouldn’t have seen this day”. So what I would tell me—or anyone who is going through this—is keep moving forward, keep putting one foot in front of the other, because your time will come.

You'd said during The Hundred that the best way to handle criticism is to ignore it, to the point where you don’t even visit social media. For someone like you who loves the buzz of people in the real and virtual world, what gets you to do that?

Whenever I’m on tour, I am off social media. Even if I have to post something, I give it to my brother or manager and tell them to put it up. I just realised that I’m in a better head space when I am off it. Because—and I don’t blame people—everyone has their opinions. I’m not saying it is wrong. But sometimes, they don’t know what you’re going through, they don’t sweat it out at the nets or at the gym, they’ve not been there when you’ve cried, they’ve not cried for you. They don’t understand what you’re feeling. So because someone from a million miles away says something, it sometimes gets stuck in your head. And then it just bothers you. So why have that in mind unnecessarily when I can avoid it and just be myself? I mean, I love social media and I respect people’s opinions, but that doesn’t mean I have to believe in it.

You’ve seen a lot of early success and spotlight in your young career. How do you deal with the tough phases like last year and now when you are not part of the World Cup squad?

One of the major things that has helped me in tough situations is my family; being around my parents and realising that for them, I am so much more than just the cricketer. That changes everything. Surrounding myself with my parents, brothers, friends—especially when you’re low and can’t lift yourself up—helps me. When you’re doing well everyone believes in you, but when you’re not doing well…like before The Hundred, there was no one. But I know there was my mom, dad, family and a few friends who believed in me. That gave me the strength to keep believing.

So do you now have the self-belief that you’ll be back playing for India soon?

Yeah, I believe that the next time when I’m back on the field, I’m going to be better than what I was before. I’ve spoken to a few cricketers, and they said even they’ve been dropped in their careers. It’s never easy going through that phase. It hurts you, especially when it’s the World Cup and you dream about it. It hurts. It stings you very badly. But they said that you’ll find your way through it, it’s not the end of the world, you’re still young and you have a lot of time. And 10 years down the line when you look back at this time, you’ll thank it. Because this will change you for the better and make you a better cricketer. So yeah, I’m looking forward to the season ahead and I know that whenever I’ll be on the field again, I’m going to be better than what I was before. I can’t wait.