Saif gives relationship advice
'When trying to impress a lady, make sure you play to your strengths,' says Saif. Bollywood’s Chhote Nawaab shares new rules of dating and divorce and tips for keeping your women happy.entertainment Updated: May 01, 2010 18:27 IST
1. Girls like it when you cut the bulls**t
When trying to impress a lady, make sure you play to your strengths. “I was never the tallest or broadest guy in the room. But I did have a sense of humour — which created a sense of ease among my female friends. To woo her, you have to be direct. Tell her how you feel, without being dirty. It all depends on where you are and who you’re talking to.”
2. Indian girls need familiarity, security
“My American friends find it hard in India, because they’re snubbed by almost any girl they hit on. What they don’t understand is that if a girl goes home with a tall, blonde stranger, people will talk. Indian girls need familiarity, security. It doesn’t mean they’re not naughty — in fact, they might be naughtier!
When I was growing up in Delhi, nobody noticed me till I was 17; I was everybody’s kid brother. But after that, I had a date every night. The girls had seen me around for a couple of years, they knew who I was, and felt reasonably secure.”
3. Honour thy past (but not too much)
“At the end of a relationship, if you haven’t grown as a person, what tends to happens is you break up and have the same relationship again with somebody else, and then break up with that person and have the same relationship all over again. You don’t miss your exes, because you keep looking for a substitute.
If you have a healthy spiritual life — and most of us don’t — then you might outgrow a relationship, and have the courage to say, ‘This was great, but I need to be somewhere else.’
I feel that there’s nobody safer in the world than an ex, depending on how you’ve broken up, because of all the stuff you’ve put each other through. Both of you can look at the past with respect, but not thinking that there’s some unresolved, unfinished business.
Confusion is the scariest thing in a relationship. If your woman is just talking to her ex, and she’s a strong, intelligent girl, then it’s fine. It’s prehistoric to pretend her ex is dead, even though it suits you.”
4. You have to work on your relationship if you want it
“If you’re looking to enter a long-term relationship with a woman, make sure she’s a worthy partner — that’s the only rule. After a point, you don’t want another casual fling; you want intimacy, depth, to be loved. Sometimes you have to do things that wouldn’t come to you naturally, just to show her how serious you are.”
5. It’s hysterical and complicated, and that’s the way it should be when you’re single
“The whole point of being single and playing the field is to live like the opposite of someone who is committed. You’re experimenting, learning about yourself, and are unsure about what you want. There is a certain amount of loneliness that can creep in when you live this way, but hey, that’s part of the deal.”
6. I respect my past, and have learnt many things
“If you’re happier without your spouse, then a divorce will leave you feeling more positive towards your kids and family at large. Divorce is much easier without kids, but even then, you should make every effort to ensure your marriage works. The most important thing is for the children to be taken care of, if there are any. They will eventually understand that there’s nothing wrong with their parents living in different environments.”
7. Live alone, rent a studio, buy a record player, take guitar lessons or run around naked — but don’t cheat
“Cheating is so bloody stressful, you should avoid it at all cost. Deal with yourself better, look better, learn to be more interesting to other women, but do not cheat. Cheating negates everything. Some men have a stable marriage, kids, a house, car, everything, and after that they want a little excitement. But it’s a dangerous game, because you can get burnt and lose everything.”
Text: Che Kurrien