A year since Pahalgam attack: Shubham Dwivedi's widow Aishanya says ‘Not afraid to name Pakistan spreader of terrorism’

In a chat with us, Pahalgam attack victim Shubham Dwivedi's widow says Pakistan can ‘never be India’s ally', people need to name it as ‘spreader of terrorism’.

All it took was a question about religion- and a bullet changed the lives of the Dwivedi family, forever. The deadly Pahalgam attack on April 22, 2025 saw multiple people dying, one of them Shubham Dwivedi, a Kanpur businessman who was visiting the Valley for a family holiday and supposed to return the next day. His wife, Aishanya was right next to him when a terrorist shot him dead, and she doesn’t want to stop re-living the day.

Aishanya and late husband Shubham Dwivedi in happy times during their 2025 Pahalgam vacation.

She reveals why in a heartfelt chat with HT City. Excerpts:

It’s been a complete year since the Pahalgam attacks, and Shubham’s loss. How would you describe the period?

No words can explain what we have gone through. I am trying to do different things in Shubham’s memory. I am trying to build a trust. Unke birthday pe blood donation camps kiye, rural areas mein distributed books and notebooks, that gave me peace. Agar aap mujhse poocho clearly, is the pain over? That will not go away while we are alive. With time it will heal, but it is going to stay.

How people look at Pahalgam has changed ever since the attacks. Have you tried revisiting the place after the incident, or going to, anytime soon?

I don’t think so. A lot of times when I am scrolling through my social media feed and see pics of Pahalgam, I freeze. Someone is making a documentary on the attacks, they went to shoot in Pahalgam. Jab maine unki Insta stories mein dekha yeh, I couldn’t look at it. The valley is beautiful, but what it did to me is the most painful thing ever. I do not think there is anything more painful than that. Mujhse ab travelling hoti nahi hai, whereas I used to love it. Shubham ka dream tha to see the world. Meri himmat nahi ho paa rahi to start travelling again. Pehli trip main shayad lungi May mein, my sister is pushing me.

I still say people might understand losing a partner or a loved one, but I do not think they can understand the pain of losing a partner the way I have lost. I have seen him dying in front of my eyes. That image of bloodshed is the biggest trauma I am living with. Losing someone like that is the worst. I pray to God nobody goes through it.

Was there someone who guided you or who you looked at as your support in the past year?

I do not think it is one person. It is my family. The strength I get from them is everything. Main apne ghar mein sabse badi beti thi. Shubham apne ghar mein sabse bade the. Then technically main bhi sabse badi hui after our wedding. With him gone, it’s just me. I have the responsibility of two families now. But it is both ways. His family considers me as their responsibility now, just like I look at them as mine. I am really blessed to have my real sisters and Shubham’s sisters as my strength. I do not have anything else. And obviously, the love for Shubham, aur uska pyaar jo mere liye hai. I do not think there is anything that can give me more power than the love he had for me, and still does. I still feel his love around me.

You had an intense spotlight on you post the incident. But one only begins to feel the pain and void when the people around return to their respective lives...

That’s true, people will go away ultimately. Mine and Shubham’s parents are there. There will come a time when they will also get on with their lives. This emptiness hits me every day. Shuruaat mein bhi thi, aaj bhi hai. When I go to the room that I and Shubham shared, it all comes back to me every day. I surely think it is Shubham giving me strength, he’s still around. So many times, I sit in our room and talk to his picture... I am trying to keep him alive as much as possible in my memories and day to day life. His soul is always going to be with me, if not his physical form.

Amid the grief, have you thought about war, the reason why people kill in the name of religion?

I have given it a lot of thought. Pakistan sabse zyaada terror failaane wali country hai, I am not afraid to name it. Saying it out loud is what we need to do. Bangladesh and Pakistan can never be our friends or stand with us, we have to accept this. Everybody who calls themselves an Indian should know what happened in Pahalgam was done by terrorists of Pakistan, to divide this country in many ways.

Deep down, we need to know a lot of insiders in the country were involved, because of which something like this happened. Apne desh ke log agar nahi mile hote toh yeh ho hi nahi sakta tha. They could be from one community, maybe not. I will still say people who cannot say Vande Mataram and Jai Hind, or stand for the national anthem, do not belong to this country and should not stay here, chaahe kisi bhi dharam ke hon. It is not about religion, but about the country.

What’s keeping you busy now?

I had quit my job after my marriage to Shubham was fixed. I had decided to run my dance studio after marriage. Since losing Shubham,I am not able to get back to dancing. Mere liye bahut bada personal fall hai. I am trying to keep myself busy with different things. I might start my workshops soon. Mujhe nahi lagta khud se I will start dancing, I will have to connect with people.

Since people ask you about that day so much, do you feel it hampers the process of overcoming the trauma?

I want to speak loudly about everything. It does pain me, living the moment and then recalling it every time. I will still make people remember this incident till my last breath, no matter how much pain it gives me. Yaad rakhna zaroori hai. We as humans have the tendency to forget things. I will not let people forget this at any cost.