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Cocaine diary: To hell and back

Hooked to coke, she almost destroyed herself. A first person account of a top model who overcame her dangerous addiction. Want to share similar experience?

india Updated: Jun 18, 2006 20:56 IST

Hooked to coke, she almost destroyed herself before kicking the habit. A top model talks about her journey to hell and back.

After the recent, much-hyped cocaine bust in the Capital, the cops put it prettily: “Yeh naai aur darzi logon ka nasha hai.” Whether they are the only ones Snorting coke is a different story altogether, but there’s no doubt that the fash frat is a big player in the drug game. The Kate Moss drama laid bare the gruesome truths behind the picture-perfect exterior of the fashion industry. But the Mosses and Naomi Campbells are not the only ones. Uber models of the world have imitators closer home.

Here is a first person account of a successful female model in India. She started snorting coke just for kicks, became a hopeless addict for a year before going into rehab and coming out clean. This is her story.

When I came to Delhi with the idea of pursuing a career in modelling, I was


- The few friends I had I lost, but coke had screwed up my head so much that nothing seemed to matter

- Every night I snorted coke, partied hard and returned home high as a kite when my neighbours were going for a walk.

allof16. Living on my own with no parents around to boss over me, was a great high. Late night movies, club-hopping and getting sloshed – having shot after shot of tequila – became part of my lifestyle. Since I was getting work, money wasn’t really a problem.

But then came a time when all those liberties that I had never had when I was back home, started losing their charm. How many times can you get sloshed after all? I took to smoking by bumming cigarettes off my fellow models even as I waited for interminable fitting and makeup sessions. Today, I am a regular smoker and easily smoke two packs of Marlboro Lights a day. Besides, it kills hunger pangs and helps me stay slim. Just when I feel the need to bite into a cheesy burger, I light up and forget about it.

It was during an out-of-town show that I had my first encounter with grass and hash. Hash is great to chill out with. It seems to lend wings to hour after hour of tiresome photoshoots.

After more than five years in the modelling business, I can say that smoking dope is no big deal. Every other girl does it. Just hit backstage during a show and sniff the air. You can smell the thick sweet aroma of hashish all around.

When I first came to Delhi, one tequila shot was more than enough to knock me out. A year later, I could guzzle half a bottle of vodka and still drive back home. Your body becomes immune and you try out new things. Hash is cool but it’s a major downer. At times I get bouts of depression. It’s okay to chill out when you are doing photoshoots for hours and hours because you are too stoned to feel tired. Nowadays, fashion photographers like the deadpan expression on models’ faces. And when I am stoned, I manage to give that look in just a few takes. It comes naturally.

First Published: Jun 18, 2006 11:25 IST