Furious Fans

The "ability" shown by our cricketing heroes for uncaring batting angered the fans, writes Vijay Dutt.

Suggestions started pouring in just after Rahul Dravid ran himself out and then Yuvraj Singh followed his Captain to the pavilion in such haste that one felt they had pre-arranged a meeting that could not be delayed even if it meant a debacle for India.

The fans here had to get up at 4.30 in the morning to watch the one-dayer. All of them hoped that the Indian team would equal the series with a win at Ferozeshah Kotla. But the "ability" shown by our cricketing heroes for inept, shoddy and irresponsible, uncaring batting angered the fans. They have been hopping mad, especially because of their cutting short on their sleep.

An irate lady from Leicester suggested that Sachin Tendulkar should be dropped immediately. It would not only help him regain his touch, but it would also have a salutary effect on others who have been batting in a cavalier style. " Those were the days when it was Sachin or nothing. Those days are gone, possibly forever, as a report suggested that his masterly days are over", said the lady.

Another college student mentioned the Wisden assessment about Sachin that he was now batting to stay longer at the crease rather than trying to score. Possibly we are all being harsh on him. No one would like to go forever, especially some one described as one of the greatest batsmen ever, without some flicker of his old self. Or are we being too optimistic?

But I got quite a few callers suggesting that the ads contracts and sponsorships top batsmen have been getting should be linked with their batting performance. They said the advertising agencies and sponsors have a duty towards the country. They would not for instance give loads of mulha to those who bring disgrace to the country or shame it by their conduct or performance. There is so much money involved that top players neglect practice and devote most of their non-playing time flying around the country for ad-shoots.

An old club player made a nice suggestion. He said that al the Test players must be made to play in a minimum number of games in domestic circuits. This would expose them to upcoming players, which would help Indian cricketers to be in form but would also help identify future potential Test players.

But a very livid television viewer in Leeds had no sympathy and did not want to give any " useful suggestions" which are treated as "useless suggestions" by " our millionaire players" contemptuous of how the fan feel. " They should all be made to play goolli-danda so that they can at least learn how to connect with the ball. The goolli-danda players at least know how to hit the gulli." So we know now how anguished the fan are. Aaj ka mujrim programme was watched most avidly on the day Indian team was thrashed on last Sunday.

Weddings, London style

I had recently been invited to the wedding of a good friend and a professional colleague. She and her groom looked charming, happy and were very welcoming. The lunch was sumptuous and considering that her media colleagues had come, she got the bar opened for them. So in short all had great fun and made merry. There was a Pandit there too, naturally because the couple had to go through the rites, pheras and all that.

I realised how some of our Pandits have got westernised, albeit all for "teaching the young generation here the sanctity of marriage and in understanding the significance of shlokas". So quite a few leading ones, including this Pandit, have a different approach when called upon to marry a couple.

They first tell you how long the rites would take. Then they embark on the significance of various rites, all in English, which is all right. But then some tend to be witty. Like the one who said the bride wants assurance that her husband would let her shop at Harrods. Then came the clincher. The bride, when leading her groom in the pheras, assumes the responsibility that members of her groom's family would get "moksha". We could not understand this. Why must she think of their going to heaven? Is she meant to ease and quicken their departure?

Whatever it be, the intentions no doubt most pious and well meaning, the fact is such westernisation of wedding ceremony, threatens to turn the age-old ritual into a soap opera.

A saucy one

If a lady ventriloquist performs topless, the audience will never see her lips move.