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Give a happy ending to divorce

Is it really possible to have a “good divorce”?

india Updated: Feb 27, 2011 02:16 IST

English actors Jude Law and Sadie Frost went on a holiday together, presenter Chris Evans was at pop star Billie Piper’s bedside hours after she had her first child with another man, and the Duke of York Prince Andrew and Duchess Fergie even shared a house. They may all be divorced, but these celebrity couples appear to have survived unscathed, and have remained friends. But is it really possible to have a “good divorce”?

Sadly not, says Phillip Hodson from the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. “We have to acknowledge the primitive — you can’t do it in a completely friendly way,” he says. Yet Hodson advises not letting blame run out of control.

In India, most divorce cases leave people heartbroken. They often develop negative perceptions about marriage. “Indians attach a lot of emotional value to marriage, give their entire self to it, and expect the same from their partners. Post divorce, they are crestfallen and blame the other person for making their life miserable. There is also a lot of social stigma attached to it,” says psychiatrist Dr Advesh Sharma.

Keeping the channel of communication open even after divorce can reduce bitterness to some extent, say experts. Marriage counsellor Dr Kamal Khurana says, “A divorce can have a happy ending if people talk to their ex. However, avoid any sort of emotional outburst.” It’s also important learn from your miskates. “There is a lot of confusion, pain, anger, guilt and helplessness post divorce. The best way to tackle this is to accept that parting was the best thing to do as being together would have resulted in more trauma,” adds Dr Khurana.

The Guardian (with inputs from Shara Ashraf)

How to part ways amicably
1 Once it’s decided that you have no choice but to proceed with divorce, opt for a good lawyer who has extensive experience in matrimonial law.
2 Instead of discussing emotional issues with your lawyer, approach a therapist. “A therapist can help part ways peacefully,” says divorce lawyer Sumit Chander.
3 Don’t resort to dirty accusations to pressurise the other person. “A lawyer may ask a woman to built up a false case of dowry harassment case or a guy to accuse the woman of adultery. This only leads to animosity between the two people,” says Khurana.